So much to type, so little time

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever. Today was one of those days where I just want to type *(#)(*)@(!$&)##*#*#! and leave it at that. Lily has been sick and it's like living with the devil. I can only pray she'll be better by tomorrow so that I can end the week with my sanity intact.

Ian was supposed to spend most of the week with his grandma but she ended up getting a really bad cold thus he is home. He's been pretty bummed about it and I feel bad for him because I know he was eagerly anticipating spending special time with her.

I've been having a terrible time sleeping for the past two weeks and the only thing I can attribute it to (other than the sick toddler issue) is that I haven't been walking at all. The rain got so bad and then I didn't want to because I hate the treadmill...yadda, yadda, yadda. I started doing my yoga again, which is good for me, but not as good as a serious aerobic workout.

Christmas went off without a hitch and we had a nice visit with J's brother. He and J went running together. J had borrowed his dad's shoes and he's been limping since. He went into the Dr. today and it looks like some kind of strain/sprain issue so no running for him for the next three weeks.

I am so glad it is bedtime.

Santa came today!

J got me a cell phone and a digital camera today! I can't wait to use them.

Almost Christmas

*5* days left. How did that happen?

Ian is still sick. He managed to get through school but his ear was killing him by early afternoon. His teacher tried to call me and, ironically, she missed me at home and called while I was SITTING IN THE CAR IN THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT. Lily and I had been out with mom in the morning and we headed over to the school early so she could have a nap before I picked Ian up. You can imagine the annoyance factor there. Thus, I am getting a phone for Christmas. I *might* get a camera one since we were thinking of upgrading ours anyway.

I ended up not getting home until 7 p.m. last night. I called the pediatric urgent care and they wanted to see Ian right away to check his ear. I picked J up from work and dropped he and Lily back at home and Ian and I rushed down to the doctor's and waited for an hour and fifteen minutes before he was able to be seen. Thankfully, I had thought to grab a book for us and we plowed through almost half of Dr. Doolittle. Diagnosis: Ear Infection. Oh surprise! So, then we had to drive back to Costco to the pharmacy where the were out of half the medicine he needed thus necessitating a return trip today when Lily wakes up from her nap. Ian cried this morning about missing school. I think he'll be able to make it through the party and mass tomorrow since he's only got a half day and then Christmas vacation starts.

Where *does* the time go?

I was thinking this morning while I was driving to WInco. It occurred to me that I have no free time anymore. Speaking as a mother, I think this happens without your realization until it's too late. I got J an iPod for his birthday and I was thinking that maybe I'd like to have one for Christmas. Then, it became apparent to me that I don't have any time to listen to it. Seriously. During the day, I have at least Lily with me at all times and when Ian is out of school, he's with me too. Supervising them both pretty much requires my full attention. At night, J doesn't care if I have the music on so it would be pointless to hide behind earphones. Thus, no time, which is a good thing. It saves a lot of money.

Making Muffins

I couldn't stand it anymore so when I got home from the grocery shopping and Costco run, I devised a recipe for Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins. They're baking at the moment and the house smells fantastic. I'll post the recipe later if it's a success.

Poor little sickie

Ian woke up with a fever and dry heaves this morning. He's currently wilted on the sofa and staring at Thomas the Tank Engine and his "snowy surprise" on the TV. This doesn't bode well for the weekend.

The cookies were gross

So, I couldn't stand it anymore and I made chocolate chip cookies last night. They were actually gross. I bought a different brand of chips because Costco was out of the Ambrosia ones that we love the last time I was there and the new ones were awful when they came out of the oven. I guess the chocolate is all you can taste when they're warm and fresh and they were just yucky. This morning, after they were completely cooled, they were ok. Not the best cookies, but not the worst tasting like they were last night. J took them to work. He informed me earlier that they were already gone.

Ian is home sick today. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I'm really relieved because now he can't participate in the Christmas pageant that we were supposed to attend tonight. It doesn't start until 7 p.m. which is bedtime around here and we didn't have any child care for Lily so we would have had to drag her along too and I was dreading the inevitable meltdowns on both of their parts because of being overtired. But, I feel bad because aren't mothers supposed to be overjoyed to go and watch their kids sing off key on the school stage?

He looked really sick this morning and was complaining that he was going to throw up and he went and sat in the bathroom for a while "just in case". So, the kids laid on the sofa and watched a movie while I cleaned and did laundry (how is it that laundry becomes infinite after you give birth?) and then we read Christmas stories for a while until they started fighting and I banished them to their beds. I relented and went in and read to them some more and now they are (I assume because it's quiet) napping for a bit. He was acting like he was feeling better before nap time (how bad can he feel if he's fighting with Lily?) so we'll see how he is when they get up.

But this has messed up my routine a bit and now I don't know if he'll be home or at school tomorrow which means I'll have to grocery shop on Saturday instead of on Friday and I need to get to Costco to pick up the meds that I've been pretending I don't need. Argh. And I also still have to go to the Folsom Costco because they don't carry the milk that J likes at the one around the corner and he's all out. I guess life never slows down once you become a mother.

Superstitious

Health problems can make you nuts. Really. Take me, for example. I have this migraine problem and when I had my last attack, I ran out of my abortive pills. I took the prescription into Costco but I haven't picked it up. Why not, you ask? Well, you see, I'm operating under the theory that as long as that medication isn't here, I'm not going to GET another headache. That logic works, doesn't it? Doesn't it?

The cookies made me do it

I'm revising my birthday goal. I think I need to focus on maintaining at this point. I don't know if can actually lose anything right now. I love cookies. I mean it. As in, I must eat the entire box until all the cookies are gone because they taste so good. That kind of cookie love. And they are EVERYWHERE right now. Thus far, I have managed to avoid making any for any reason. I bought a FOAM gingerbread house kit for Ian to decorate and a prebaked gingerbread cookie Christmas tree kit (how good can that taste?). I can do this. I even stocked up on light ice cream since it satisfies the craving fairly well and is MUCH better for me AFA do less harm to my waistline is concerned.

I did walk today. 3ish miles with miss nibs post nap. Good for me.

The cookies are still calling my name but I CAN'T HEAR THEM!!!

Yay, me!

Not only did I do the treadmill last night, I just got back from a 3 mile walk with the little miss.

Peaceful so far

So far, it's been a quiet day. I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the rug, finished the laundry and cleaned the kids' room. And it's only 9 a.m. I still need to wrap the Christmas presents, pick up the last few, run over to the jeweler to get my rings fixed and stop by Costco. I think I want to wait until the little miss has had her nap, though.

The good news is that the last headache lasted only a day. That's a big improvement. And I'll take what I can get. I got back on the treadmill yesterday but I'm hoping that today will warm up enough that Lily and I can walk outside before we pick Ian up from school.

We had a nice weekend. We took the kids up to J's parents on Saturday and surprised them. Then we went over to J's grandparent's on Sunday to bring them a Christmas tree and decorated it. I made a leg of lamb and we had a nice family dinner with most of the extended family.

Yesterday was dentist day. I now have my permanent crown on the one that had the temporary and a temporary on the one in the back that had the root canal done last week. I go back on the 28th to get the permanent crown on that one and hopefully I'll be done with the dentist for a while.

S

Chose your focus

The headache is back. I am refusing to let it run my life today. I went and did the grocery shopping this morning and then I was so tired that I fell asleep at noon and didn't wake up until J called at 2:55 p.m. which was lucky for me since I had to pick Ian up from school at 3 p.m.! I barely made it but the nap helped a bit. I'm still tired and my head is still buzzy but the headache seems to be mostly under control right now.

I had a little inspiration last night that maybe J's grandparents would like it if we got them a Christmas tree and came up and decorated it on Sunday so tonight J and I will go out and pick that up, I think. Mom is here to watch the hooligans so that makes it easier. When I talked with Liliian about it on the phone she was almost choked up that we would do that for them. The thing is that they're both in their *80s* and they're mostly still independent but things like this are hard for them to manage. I offered to make dinner too and so J's parents and J's uncle will be there too. I think it will be a nice little family time together. It's good to keep my mind on other people and helping them instead of wallowing in my own puddle of self pity.

Busy busy busy

Things I've done today:

Cleaned the kitchen
Cleaned both bathrooms
Vacuumed the rug
Did the laundry
Paid the bills
Balanced the accounts
Did some Christmas shopping
Picked up a new uniform shirt for Ian
Washed the kitchen and both bathroom floors
And treated myself to a Peppermint Mocha....

Such a busy day, but that's good because it means no headache! My tooth is still pretty tender but I was able to eat some oatmeal for breakfast and some lasagna for lunch. I'm making spaghetti and Italian sausages for dinner, and hopefully, I'll be able to eat at least the spaghetti.

Ian had a good day at school and was delighted to find a surprise from Lily and I when we picked him up. We got him some of his favorite peppermint cookies from Starbucks for a snack.

Mom and Lily and I visited J's grandma and grandpa yesterday and went out to lunch with them. I couldn't eat anything, really, but I did manage a delicious chocolate milk shake.

Feelings of loss

I got a Christmas gift in the mail yesterday. It was a cookbook from the company I bought Ian's curriculum from this year. The curriculum that I'm not using now because he's going to the local parochial school. I'm not sure why, but I have these unresolved feelings of loss over not schooling him at home. I don't think they are so much related to the actual schooling itself as much as they are representative of a larger issue of mine that has to do with my feelings of inadequacy as a mother.

A friend of mine recently posted on her blog, "If you aren't frustrated with your children, are you really experiencing them?" I"m paraphrasing but that was the gist of it. I had these ideas that I would be so happy all the time to be a mother and that I would truly enjoy my time with my kids and that I wouldn't feel angry/exasperated/frustrated with them and myself most of the time. Being a parent is really hard but I think being a SAHM is the hardest assignment in the lot sometimes. We moved recently and while I'm not exactly isolated overall since J's parents and grandparents and my mom are close by, I am isolated from my peers meaning that I don't actually have any, or at least not any that I know or see on a regular basis or have as a friend. I think I need to work on this issue but overcoming the inertia of the mundane tasks which seem to eclipse anything I might actually like to do is overwhelming. That sounds like an excuse, I know. It's so much easier to mope about it, I guess.

All I want for Christmas is two new teeth

Just got home from the endodontist. The good news is that he was able to save my back tooth that was all diseased in the root. The bad news is that it needs a crown. SO that racks it up to TWO new teeth for me before the year is out. I go back to the regular dentist on Monday to get the permanent crown on the one closer to the front and then they'll fix up a temporary crown on this bad boy. I suppose the bright side is that since I can't eat anything remotely hard or crunchy, I'll probably lose more weight this week. Dental work bites.

In other news, Lily was super good for my mom today. She snuggled up on the sofa with her and watched The Incredibles as I was having my tooth drilled out. So, that was nice for Grammy and her at least.

Today is the feast day for St. Nicholas. We read the story about the Bishop of Myra back in the 4th century and the kids put their shoes out so he could leave them a treat. And then I forgot to do it. DOH! But I recovered quickly and reminded Ian that he had a LOT of places to visit and that the day was not yet over and that maybe he would come while I was dropping him off at school. WHEW! I just made a batch of fudge and I need it to cool fast so I can wrap it up nicely and stick it in his shoe. The things we mothers do for our children.

Tired but better

So sleepy. I'm back on the drugs that keep the migraines at bay but boy am I tired. Still, it beats a headache any day so I'll take what I can get. Yet it leaves me feeling kind of funky overall which is kind of a bummer. I'm hoping in another few days I'll have adjusted enough that it won't bother me anymore.

I just checked my BMI online and only 2 pounds to go to a "healthy" number. That's not where I really want to be but it's a HUGE accomplishment to have lost all this weight. I'm now down 26.5 pounds from July. Hooray!

Tomorrow morning I see the endodontist for this annoying tooth that hurts sometimes and is going to have the permanent crown put on it next week. I'm going to be so glad when this dental work is all done. The anxiety it gives me is just a little too much.

They gray hairs cometh

How could I have forgotten to blog about this? I found them for real. In force. On the top of my head. How could I have missed them in my very dark brown hair? What do I do about it now? Do I commit to coloring to cover them up? I mean, I wouldn't mind being a dignified gray all over, but annoying bits here and there just aren't my style. I won't even be thirty until next month.

Cautiously optimistic

The headache began to abate last night around 5 p.m. It's been twinging on and off but mostly better so far today which is the best I've done since this round started thus I'm cautiously optimistic at the moment.

I reread yesterday's post and was that depressing or what? Sheesh. Time to buck up, little nipper.

The kids were hooligans last night and partied in the bedroom until almost 9 last night. So, nobody wanted to get up this morning and Lily went down for a nap about 10 a.m. That actually worked out really well since Ian has a half day at school and I have to go pick him up at noon. I'm imagining that he'll be in a bit of a crabby funk when he gets home so I kept the last Stargate SG-1 disc from Netflix to bribe some peace out of him this afternoon. We'll see how that goes.

Got on the scale this morning and apparently pain is good for weight loss. I'm down to 142.5 which is another two pound loss. Yipee, I guess. I think that means I'll meet my goal of 140 by Christmas without too much hassle.

Oh and I broke another piece off my back molar yesterday when I was eating chips with the kids. Doh! I've got two more dentist appointments coming up next week so I'll be getting that fixed too. I think I'm putting the dentist's kids through college all by myself.

I'm not too sure what this weekend will hold for us. I think we might go up and have some dinner at J's grandma's house on Sunday. I haven't hear from J's dad to see if he passed his real estate exam on Tuesday which I'm interpreting to mean that he didn't since I'm sure he'd have been too overjoyed to contain himself if he had passed.

God is not dead, nor does he sleep

Are we sure about that? We've had a lot of Christmas music playing lately particularly The Carpenters. By my assessment, they've just about got the Christmas music market cornered. Somehow you just can't beat Karen for the right mix of melancholy and tragedy combined with an almost painful bit of optimism and hope.

These migraines have me way down in the dumps. The dr's office hasn't called me back since yesterday morning and I've left two messages. I haven't heard a word from the neurologist. And yet the headaches keep stomping onward. This is not good for me. It's not good for J and it's not good for the kids. Thankfully, Lily is pretty darn low key when it's just her and I but the minute Ian gets home the siren call of the "chase and scream" game seems to overwhelm them both. I'm sure you can just imagine.

But, back to the logical problem of evil. J and I have had about a million discussions on this topic which is usually brought on by a particularly bad bout of the arthritis or migraines. I can't ever seem to reconcile it and that's really not the point, I suppose. If all the great minds up until now can't manage it either, who am I to try it anyway? Religion always falls short for me on this matter. We need evil for there to be good in the world? Do I have that right? God is good but there is evil anyway? Suffering is necessary for good stuff to happen eventually? The whole thing stinks.