Denial and depression

I've been having migraines again. It started at the tail end of Lily's bout of pneumonia and it's been going on 6 days now. I'm trying to keep busy and take my mind off of it but that only works for so long. Then it all sort of gangs up upon me and I feel like I've been run down by a steamroller.

It's so depressing and it feels so unmanageable that I don't even want to mention it to anyone because what can they say? It sucks to have headaches that sometimes last 11 days at a time? Yeah, we've covered that at some point in the last 5 years. It will go away eventually. Yeah, well, I'm also going to die some day but I prefer not to dwell on that issue either.

I hate this.

On sleep and poison

I think she's nearly better. We've had two nights in a row of decent sleep for all involved and the nasty hack seems to be gone. She's still awfully tired and crabby but we will take what we can get. I'm so relieved that she isn't getting worse. I always forget how scary it is for little people to be that sick after they've been well for a while.

About the poison. Nerium oleander is poisonous. I knew that but I didn't know HOW poisonous. According to a study at UC Davis, *one* leaf is enough to kill a child Lily's age. I thought they'd just give her a tummy ache. Boy howdy, was I wrong. So, now I need to ask our landlord if it's ok to dig up the enormous one in the backyard that I just pruned. The one in the front doesn't worry me since she'll never be out there unless I'm there to supervise her. But in the backyard, it would be easy enough for her to slip over and munch on them. And she is the kid who would do it. She may be 2 1/2 but she still regularly consumes legos/rocks/interesting bits of paper/snacks she's stashed around the house for later/grass and the occasional weed. I really need to take the samples from the berried trees over to the nursery and confirm that they are elderberries or Oregon grape and not something else that's poisonous. I'm about 80% sure they're elderberries, which would be cool because then I could use them for jam and other interesting things. If they are poisonous, she's never going to be out in the yard again without being attached to me.

::sigh:: I never had to worry about these things with Ian. He's suspicious of everything.

S

About being tired

Have I whined about that recently? It's so bad that I'm having trouble seeing straight. Literally, everything is kind of out of focus and blurry and I definitely should not be driving a car. I haven't been this tired since last winter's ear infection marathon with Lily. My little girl is really good at the spectacular and life eclipsing sicknesses. Of course, neither one of them does anything half way.

This kid didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time last night. She had a bad day yesterday and wouldn't drink much of anything which freaked me out. She's doing better this morning. She's had a popsicle and some grapes and chips and apple juice. I think that's a good sign.

4 a.m. barfathon

Lily seems to be improving slowly. The good news is that her fever is way down and she's reasonably comfortable. The bad news is that she's still miserable at night. J was up with her a midnight and then around 4:30 a.m. I heard her choking and coughing and throwing up. She was pretty freaked out by it. The nicest part (read actually really horrible) was that when I picked her up, she threw up all over again on me. Blech.

The weather is supposed to be nice today, they're predicting a high of 67. I'm hoping that it really will get up there and I'll be able to take her out for a nice long walk in the sunshine before we go pick Ian up.

My poor sick wee bairn

Lily has pneumonia.

She's been sick off and on since the mold problem in our apartment but she woke up today with a 104.5 fever. Yep, you read that right. It's not a typo. Neither of the kids has ever had a fever that high. Ian's gotten pretty close and Lily has too, but they've never crossed the 104 mark before. She was so hot and red all over and just limp and it was really scary. I took her into the ped. urgent care and they had her do a chest xray to confirm it. She's on antibiotics now and I've got the fever under control with the Motrin and Tylenol so things are ok at the moment. She's sleeping and hopefully will get a few hours rest before I have to give her more fever reducing drugs.

It's going to be a long weekend.

Back from the black

We're moved! And the DSL has finally been provisioned....it was a long 18 days. Things are good (excepting that the kids and I have been sick for the entire time) and we're settling in nicely. I really like our landlord and she's been really great about my wants for gardening. She even brought us some extra pots and fireplace tools. We've met the neighbors on one side and across the street and they're very nice. Ian has schoolmates that live around the corner and I made a friend with their mom. In two weeks, I have met more people than I did in *6* months in that apartment.

J and I whiled away the evenings watching all of Firefly and Serenity. I have a real thing for Malcom now.

Got the keys

The house is even nicer than I remember it. I took my mom over to see it and dragged J over to sign his lines on the lease agreement. Every time I walk inside I feel like I won the lottery. It really is that great.

I'm on borrowed time here. The phone has already been transferred but the internet is still working. Thus, I must spend as many remaining minutes as I can eke out before the 2 week blackout switching the DSL over. How will I live without the Internet for *TWO* weeks? I guess I'll get all unpacked.