Ian has the day off from school. We had a little adventure this morning trying to buy some Mazing candy bars. WalMart didn't have any single bars, just bags of little ones. Ditto for Target. But, Long's Drugs didn't let us down. Score one for the old fashioned drug store.
In addition, we went in search of some King Kong books that he could read. Barnes and Noble had 3 out of the 4 that we were looking for but I'm shopped out with little kids. To be fair, Ian was just fine, Miss Lily was a grouch. She's adorable, which is a good thing, since she needs something to counter her hideous personality when she's sick. Oh yeah, and she's been sick since November. Sadly, she comes by it rightly. I'm a terrible patient too but I'm a grownup (so they say) and I usually manage to keep my mouth shut about it.
I'm inexplicably tired today. It's not that I didn't sleep. I think it's the near constant whining from the last few days. I have all this sewing that's stacked up on my dresser but I can't seem to get two minutes together to finish it up. Surely, in the long run, I'll be glad that I sat with her curled up on my lap with her beloved blankie when she was sick for hours at a time. I will, right?
About Me
- Sarah Hallford
- Homeschooling Mother of Two, Licensed Manicurist, Runner, Retired Figure Skater
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I did the thing I said I wouldn't do
I cut her hair.
Not much of it was cut, mind you. But *I* did it. Not only do I have zero cosmetology experience, I am also lacking in the steady grip arena. Nobody should let me near them with scissors. Just ask J. A million years ago I cut *HIS EAR* while trimming his hair. That was the last time I held scissors near hair.
Truthfully, it looks ok but I don't plan to do it again any time soon. It is nice to see her eyes again. I only touched her bangs. She's just been so crabby and so TWO lately that I couldn't face the humiliation that is a screaming toddler in Supercuts.
Not much of it was cut, mind you. But *I* did it. Not only do I have zero cosmetology experience, I am also lacking in the steady grip arena. Nobody should let me near them with scissors. Just ask J. A million years ago I cut *HIS EAR* while trimming his hair. That was the last time I held scissors near hair.
Truthfully, it looks ok but I don't plan to do it again any time soon. It is nice to see her eyes again. I only touched her bangs. She's just been so crabby and so TWO lately that I couldn't face the humiliation that is a screaming toddler in Supercuts.
She sleeps! Again...
Poor wee bairn. She's zonked in the stroller.
I'm determined to get back to exercising and so we walked over to WalMart (2.83 mi round trip) to pick up a few things. We had planned on going to the park afterwards but it started raining just as we left the store. Thankfully, it was a pretty light rain and we were still mostly dry when we got home.
I'm determined to get back to exercising and so we walked over to WalMart (2.83 mi round trip) to pick up a few things. We had planned on going to the park afterwards but it started raining just as we left the store. Thankfully, it was a pretty light rain and we were still mostly dry when we got home.
She sleeps!
Neither one of us had to get up with her last night. I guess the pre-bedtime meds helped her quite a bit. The sad thing is that I'm still exhausted. Now, if I could just figure out how to eliminate the morning screaming at me for breakfast which she ultimately refuses to eat regardless of the menu.
Monday, March 27, 2006
More of the same
Lily alternately napped and screamed at me most of the day. Sick two year olds are just the most charming companions. She perked up a few times enough to wander out in the backyard with me for a few minutes of yard work. And she was with it enough to insist that we should be walking "in the stroller" to pick Ian up from school today. We didn't, though, since we picked Ian up and then J from work where he was falling asleep at his desk.
We had an extremely disagreeable hour before dinner. Part of Ian's homework involved illustrating some sentences and he absolutely loathes drawing things like that. We had some shouting and arguing and it just wasn't pretty.
I'm so glad that tomorrow is another day.
We had an extremely disagreeable hour before dinner. Part of Ian's homework involved illustrating some sentences and he absolutely loathes drawing things like that. We had some shouting and arguing and it just wasn't pretty.
I'm so glad that tomorrow is another day.
It just keeps getting better
Yesterday, 9:00 p.m.
Lily wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs. She's incoherent and inconsolable. Neither J or I are able to get her to calm down. Eventually, it occurs to us that we need to wake her up completely so she'll stop freaking out. We take her into the living room and pop in Winnie the Pooh and eventually (after a half an hour of insanity) she calms down. Unwilling to risk another round of hysteria, we keep her up with us while we watch some of the X Files DVD we have from Netflix. She was a bit congested so I gave her some Triaminic to help with it. I rock her a little and she dismisses me from the room after I tuck her in.
Today, 3:00 a.m.
Yes, do you notice the time up there? Three a.m. No joke. The screaming starts up again. Today, with the clarity of a cup of coffee, I realize that the decongestant had worn off. J went in to get her and she cranked up the volume even higher, insisting that she wanted her MOMMY! Not the kind of reception you expect when you haul yourself out of bed at that hour. I went in and snuggled her and got her back to sleep only to start this all over again every twenty minutes until close to five when J made an executive decision and put Lily in our bed and went to sleep in hers. Things went ok for that last hour or so before Ian was up with is own runny nose. Did I mention that Friday night, he was up howling about his nose?
Today, 8:46 a.m.
So very tired. Lily's had some more decongestant and is decidedly better spirits. I want to take a nap on the floor. It could actually happen but first, I need to change the movie out for her. Lilo and Stitch is almost over.
Lily wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs. She's incoherent and inconsolable. Neither J or I are able to get her to calm down. Eventually, it occurs to us that we need to wake her up completely so she'll stop freaking out. We take her into the living room and pop in Winnie the Pooh and eventually (after a half an hour of insanity) she calms down. Unwilling to risk another round of hysteria, we keep her up with us while we watch some of the X Files DVD we have from Netflix. She was a bit congested so I gave her some Triaminic to help with it. I rock her a little and she dismisses me from the room after I tuck her in.
Today, 3:00 a.m.
Yes, do you notice the time up there? Three a.m. No joke. The screaming starts up again. Today, with the clarity of a cup of coffee, I realize that the decongestant had worn off. J went in to get her and she cranked up the volume even higher, insisting that she wanted her MOMMY! Not the kind of reception you expect when you haul yourself out of bed at that hour. I went in and snuggled her and got her back to sleep only to start this all over again every twenty minutes until close to five when J made an executive decision and put Lily in our bed and went to sleep in hers. Things went ok for that last hour or so before Ian was up with is own runny nose. Did I mention that Friday night, he was up howling about his nose?
Today, 8:46 a.m.
So very tired. Lily's had some more decongestant and is decidedly better spirits. I want to take a nap on the floor. It could actually happen but first, I need to change the movie out for her. Lilo and Stitch is almost over.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
About the ketchup burst
Today was one of those days. I had one of those little breakdowns that I have every so often.
I had tried cutting my medication back per the dr's instructions they day before yesterday. That meant that I didn't take my evening dose. By morning, my head was aching all over again which meant yesterday involved trying to beat the headache back into submission. It bothered me off and on but I felt mostly ok physically when I woke up today.
Of course, J and I stayed up too late last night and the kids woke up at six a. m. whining and demanding breakfast. Have I mentioned how much I detest being awakened by a small person poking at me? It's one of those instant angry type of things where I just want to scream "LEAVE ME ALONE" and shove them out of the room and slam the door. It's not exactly the type of thing to make me mother of the year, but there you have it. It just ruins the morning for me. This lovely wakeup call coupled with the aforementioned medication/headache snafu just pushed me over the edge. I can't remember what J asked me or said, but it was something completely innocuous. And there I was, a sobbing mess over what was probably nothing at all. These headaches make me so angry. I know that I can't do anything about them and being victimized by my body and it's issues seems to percolate this angry and helpless emotion that seizes me once in a while. Truthfully, I did feel better after some tears and sobbing. J is good at helping me know that he loves me regardless of how broken I may be.
I took a shower and we all got ready and went for a long walk to Starbucks, to the post office, to the park. We came home in time for lunch and went out into the yard to work. We managed to get the flowering quince cut down that was killing the two trees on either side of it. And we got a lot of the ivy torn out that needed to be cleared. There is still more work to do but we made a lot of progress.
I had tried cutting my medication back per the dr's instructions they day before yesterday. That meant that I didn't take my evening dose. By morning, my head was aching all over again which meant yesterday involved trying to beat the headache back into submission. It bothered me off and on but I felt mostly ok physically when I woke up today.
Of course, J and I stayed up too late last night and the kids woke up at six a. m. whining and demanding breakfast. Have I mentioned how much I detest being awakened by a small person poking at me? It's one of those instant angry type of things where I just want to scream "LEAVE ME ALONE" and shove them out of the room and slam the door. It's not exactly the type of thing to make me mother of the year, but there you have it. It just ruins the morning for me. This lovely wakeup call coupled with the aforementioned medication/headache snafu just pushed me over the edge. I can't remember what J asked me or said, but it was something completely innocuous. And there I was, a sobbing mess over what was probably nothing at all. These headaches make me so angry. I know that I can't do anything about them and being victimized by my body and it's issues seems to percolate this angry and helpless emotion that seizes me once in a while. Truthfully, I did feel better after some tears and sobbing. J is good at helping me know that he loves me regardless of how broken I may be.
I took a shower and we all got ready and went for a long walk to Starbucks, to the post office, to the park. We came home in time for lunch and went out into the yard to work. We managed to get the flowering quince cut down that was killing the two trees on either side of it. And we got a lot of the ivy torn out that needed to be cleared. There is still more work to do but we made a lot of progress.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Commentary from the man
J's response to the drug dealer bust, "Well, that's 21 less dealers at the station."
News from the 'hood
Last week, the police busted *21* drug dealers at the closest light rail station. That freaked me out a bit considering I've never given it a 2nd thought to walk over there with the kids. Apparently, they had been running a sting operation there because they were having too difficult a time finding some kind of permanent address for the alleged dealers. It's just strange because this isn't right next to our neighborhood but it's only about 4-5 blocks away. Still, the truth is that I feel WAY more comfortable over here in this normal neighborhood than I did in the corporate ghetto on the other side of the freeway or in the 500K DINK housing in the south area.
In other news, I now have a new Powerbook (thank you USAA Insurance Company). It's so pretty and fast and shiny and the keys are so springy.
J owes me big time for today. I took both kids shoe shopping. Talk about nightmarish torture. I always forget how awful this kind of outing can be for the parent. Lily wailed and shrieked for most of the time we were in Target. Thankfully, I had brought snacks so I was able to keep her distracted while in Mervyn's (where, thank the Lord, we actually found Ian some shoes that he liked and that fit). He is the pickiest kid I know. He has some sort of incoherent ideal about exactly how his shoes should fit and look and which he is unable to clearly articulate to me. The shopping mostly consists of "no, Mom, they're ugly" or "no, Mom, they'll make my feet look too big" or just plain old "EWWWWW!" This issue coupled with the stringent restrictions on what he can wear with his uniform conspire to drive a parent mad. Seriously, I feel half insane now. And do you know how few shoes you can buy that are only black, white, navy, or brown or some combination thereof? There's always some stupid dash of color somewhere to foil us from getting the hell out of the store sooner. I think the shoe companies do it on purpose. They're out to get me.
In other news, I now have a new Powerbook (thank you USAA Insurance Company). It's so pretty and fast and shiny and the keys are so springy.
J owes me big time for today. I took both kids shoe shopping. Talk about nightmarish torture. I always forget how awful this kind of outing can be for the parent. Lily wailed and shrieked for most of the time we were in Target. Thankfully, I had brought snacks so I was able to keep her distracted while in Mervyn's (where, thank the Lord, we actually found Ian some shoes that he liked and that fit). He is the pickiest kid I know. He has some sort of incoherent ideal about exactly how his shoes should fit and look and which he is unable to clearly articulate to me. The shopping mostly consists of "no, Mom, they're ugly" or "no, Mom, they'll make my feet look too big" or just plain old "EWWWWW!" This issue coupled with the stringent restrictions on what he can wear with his uniform conspire to drive a parent mad. Seriously, I feel half insane now. And do you know how few shoes you can buy that are only black, white, navy, or brown or some combination thereof? There's always some stupid dash of color somewhere to foil us from getting the hell out of the store sooner. I think the shoe companies do it on purpose. They're out to get me.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Whew!
This was one of those days that I thought was going to be awful but turned out to be okay after all.
I'm in a weird place in my relationship with my mother. Things were really good between us for a while. Then my sister had one of her "crisis" moments and threw everyone's life into dishevelment and chaos. So, my mom has been acting weird and secretive and generally odd and has blown me and the kids off a number of times in the last two weeks. She was supposed to come over today and ended up not coming. It wasn't a big surprise but it was an enormous relief for me and I feel ashamed of myself that I'd think that at all. I've been feeling so crappy with these headaches and it always seems to send my normal bitchiness to the nth degree. And really, it's the same old song. I'm the reliable one who will be nice even I am the one who gets dumped on or ignored or let down. I know it won't make a difference if I get mad and things between us are hideously complicated by the fact that I'm also a mother now. I do have some idea of what it must be like to have a wayward PITA child who sucks the life out of you. I don't know exactly, but I can extrapolate from the bit of parenting experience I have under my belt. It's hard to stay mad when you can at least imagine the trauma someone else is dealing with.
Anyhow, the day started out terribly. Lily wandered into our bedroom before six a.m. and proceeded to squirm and pinch and annoy me to death. I can think of few things I like less than waking up with a kid poking at me. I suppose that fact alone is enough to have my mom card revoked. Still, it's the truth. She spent all morning whining and generally just crabby and out of sorts. She has that special, intractable 2 year old thing going on. And her voice hits that pitch that makes me think that my idea of eBay adoptions isn't so far off the mark.
Thankfully, the sun came out and warmed everything up and she woke up in a really good mood from her nap. We packed up and went to the park and played on the swings. We picked Ian up from school and he was in a good mood as well. Everyone was still happy when we went to pick up J at 4:45. That is a nearly miraculous achievement. It's a rare day that *somebody* isn't in a bad mood when we pick him up. We had some dicey moments during the setting of the table but we recovered and they're in bed and (hopefully) sleeping.
And did I mention I'm getting a new Powerbook tomorrow?
Indeed, I am. The one I have now got dropped during the move and the bezel and case are slightly mangled. We were wise enough to buy a floater policy (for $15 a month) just to cover the computers. This one got dropped once before and they paid the $400 to fix it. The damage this time is only that much less than replacement so I GET A NEW ONE! I've never ever had my own new computer. Things are good.
I'm in a weird place in my relationship with my mother. Things were really good between us for a while. Then my sister had one of her "crisis" moments and threw everyone's life into dishevelment and chaos. So, my mom has been acting weird and secretive and generally odd and has blown me and the kids off a number of times in the last two weeks. She was supposed to come over today and ended up not coming. It wasn't a big surprise but it was an enormous relief for me and I feel ashamed of myself that I'd think that at all. I've been feeling so crappy with these headaches and it always seems to send my normal bitchiness to the nth degree. And really, it's the same old song. I'm the reliable one who will be nice even I am the one who gets dumped on or ignored or let down. I know it won't make a difference if I get mad and things between us are hideously complicated by the fact that I'm also a mother now. I do have some idea of what it must be like to have a wayward PITA child who sucks the life out of you. I don't know exactly, but I can extrapolate from the bit of parenting experience I have under my belt. It's hard to stay mad when you can at least imagine the trauma someone else is dealing with.
Anyhow, the day started out terribly. Lily wandered into our bedroom before six a.m. and proceeded to squirm and pinch and annoy me to death. I can think of few things I like less than waking up with a kid poking at me. I suppose that fact alone is enough to have my mom card revoked. Still, it's the truth. She spent all morning whining and generally just crabby and out of sorts. She has that special, intractable 2 year old thing going on. And her voice hits that pitch that makes me think that my idea of eBay adoptions isn't so far off the mark.
Thankfully, the sun came out and warmed everything up and she woke up in a really good mood from her nap. We packed up and went to the park and played on the swings. We picked Ian up from school and he was in a good mood as well. Everyone was still happy when we went to pick up J at 4:45. That is a nearly miraculous achievement. It's a rare day that *somebody* isn't in a bad mood when we pick him up. We had some dicey moments during the setting of the table but we recovered and they're in bed and (hopefully) sleeping.
And did I mention I'm getting a new Powerbook tomorrow?
Indeed, I am. The one I have now got dropped during the move and the bezel and case are slightly mangled. We were wise enough to buy a floater policy (for $15 a month) just to cover the computers. This one got dropped once before and they paid the $400 to fix it. The damage this time is only that much less than replacement so I GET A NEW ONE! I've never ever had my own new computer. Things are good.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Things are better
It was a nice weekend. The kids were well behaved and the sun was out and life was good. We visited J's parents and grandparents for dinner on Sunday and we had fun chatting with everyone.
The headaches seem to be gone as mysteriously as they came.
The headaches seem to be gone as mysteriously as they came.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
There's good news and bad news
The good news is that the nerve block on Friday helped some. The headache isn't gone but it's better than it was. It was gone for a while but it seems to ebb and flow. I've been sleeping really badly since Tuesday when we decided to try and wean me off the heart meds and lower the tricyclic dose. Last night, I went back to the original dose of the tricyclic and my sleep was a lot better. The bad news is that it made me really tired all day and I ended up taking a 3 hour nap (thank goodness J was home). I guess it's a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. The neurologist is concerned about my neck pain and thinks it's really contributing to the head pain so he gave me some a muscle relaxant to try at night but it's been ineffective. He was concerned it would really sedate me but it did just about nothing. ::sigh::
Why won't these things go away?
Why won't these things go away?
Thursday, March 09, 2006
My head hurts
The nerve block wore off and it's be getting increasingly worse all day. I finally laid down in the dark for a while when J got home and that seemed to help for a bit but it's still going strong. Thankfully, tomorrow is not Saturday, so I'll be able to get in to see the dr and hopefully the next shot with the cortisone will do the trick.
I really hope so.
The good news is that I actually remembered to pick Ian up on time today. That was a small miracle in and of itself.
I really hope so.
The good news is that I actually remembered to pick Ian up on time today. That was a small miracle in and of itself.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
And now for the good news...
I am feeling much better tonight. My appointment with the neurologist went very well. He really is a very kind doctor which, sadly, isn't something that I've found too often in the various physicians that I've met with over the past few years. He asked me to try a procedure called a nerve block where he gave me a shot of lidocaine in the back of my head to try and determine if the headache was vascular or nerve related. I got a lot of relief almost immediately. So, it appears that the endless headaches may actually be occipital neuralgia. It doesn't preclude the possibility of migraines as well, but is something that is more readily treatable. The next time it gets bad, I'll be going in for another shot of lidocaine and cortisone which should give me more long lasting relief. I'm also going to wean off the heart meds and bump the dose back on the nortriptylene which should eliminate most of the side effects that are currently taking there toll. And we'll add in a sustained release antiinflammatory drug which sould keep things under control most of the time. So, I have some hope that I'll have some changes for the better soon.
Oh, and our new insurance is so much better than our last one. My new prescription was $100 dollars but I only had to pay $5 out of pocket. What an improvement.
S
Oh, and our new insurance is so much better than our last one. My new prescription was $100 dollars but I only had to pay $5 out of pocket. What an improvement.
S
Something's always wrong
I was thinking to myself the other night that we all need to worry a little bit more about the big questions in life. For instance, what if aliens come to our planet and steal all the beer and pizza and coffee? THAT would be a disaster.
I'm having a hard time holding it together right now. This last bout of headaches really did a number on my psyche. I've been a crying wreck this morning even sans a headache. I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of another one and that I've been betrayed by my body, victimized by this unnamed (and nearly unmanageable, it seems) disease. There is all this anxiety and anger swirling around in my head and everything seems to make me irate and outraged lately. I'm feeling constantly overtired and irritable and I don't like being myself right now. J made a mean comment to me out of frustration of his own inability to help me deal with this issue and now he feels terrible too. The drugs are helping with my sleep issues but they mess with a lot of other aspects of my body that leave me feeling sort of violated and abused. I have an appointment with the neurologist today and I have a lot to discuss with him.
My brother (one of my favorite people in the world) is having some problems that are dragging him down. Thankfully, he's dealing with it in a constructive and positive manner and I'm so proud of him for being so responsible and mature.
In other news, I splurged and bought myself a new diaper/handbag to celebrate our return to real life. J just got a permanent consulting job which is really helping with our benefits and medical costs.
I'm having a hard time holding it together right now. This last bout of headaches really did a number on my psyche. I've been a crying wreck this morning even sans a headache. I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of another one and that I've been betrayed by my body, victimized by this unnamed (and nearly unmanageable, it seems) disease. There is all this anxiety and anger swirling around in my head and everything seems to make me irate and outraged lately. I'm feeling constantly overtired and irritable and I don't like being myself right now. J made a mean comment to me out of frustration of his own inability to help me deal with this issue and now he feels terrible too. The drugs are helping with my sleep issues but they mess with a lot of other aspects of my body that leave me feeling sort of violated and abused. I have an appointment with the neurologist today and I have a lot to discuss with him.
My brother (one of my favorite people in the world) is having some problems that are dragging him down. Thankfully, he's dealing with it in a constructive and positive manner and I'm so proud of him for being so responsible and mature.
In other news, I splurged and bought myself a new diaper/handbag to celebrate our return to real life. J just got a permanent consulting job which is really helping with our benefits and medical costs.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
What makes it a bribe?
My MIL called yesterday to tell me that she's got some kind of stomach flu. So, my break from the kids this weekend is off. And not only that, it's going to make it hard for J and I to meet our volunteer hours for Ian's school. We were both supposed to work at the school today and that would have given us 8 hours and taken the stress off of meeting our obligation for the year. Obviously, she didn't want to be sick but MAN, I was really looking forward to some time alone with J sans the small people.
Instead of some quiet time, I took both kids shopping for groceries. I think I bribed them. Ian was my coupon helper. He carried them and helped me find all the things we needed. And we bought *4* kinds of chips. They each got a bag of Cheetos (Ian went with FLAMING hot and Lily chose regular) as promised for their cooperation. If you promise it ahead of time, is it a bribe or an incentive. It's been a while since I've taken them both to Winco by myself and they were really good but it is EXHAUSTING keeping them busy and from wrecking everything in their wake. Oh and then with the bagging all the groceries myself while doing that. Now I remember why I always bring J to run interference. I can manage just one of them fine but both requires all my multitasking skills.
J wants to go over to the new IKEA store when he gets back from the school. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find some white cereal bowls to replace the plastic abominations that we're currently using.
I think I need a nap.
Instead of some quiet time, I took both kids shopping for groceries. I think I bribed them. Ian was my coupon helper. He carried them and helped me find all the things we needed. And we bought *4* kinds of chips. They each got a bag of Cheetos (Ian went with FLAMING hot and Lily chose regular) as promised for their cooperation. If you promise it ahead of time, is it a bribe or an incentive. It's been a while since I've taken them both to Winco by myself and they were really good but it is EXHAUSTING keeping them busy and from wrecking everything in their wake. Oh and then with the bagging all the groceries myself while doing that. Now I remember why I always bring J to run interference. I can manage just one of them fine but both requires all my multitasking skills.
J wants to go over to the new IKEA store when he gets back from the school. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find some white cereal bowls to replace the plastic abominations that we're currently using.
I think I need a nap.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Day 9
Yep, nine days of migraine. I tried the new steroid stuff and it was pretty much no help. I just left a message for the neurologist so hopefully I'll hear back and he'll have a perfect solution to end this round. Worst case scenario in the last 4 years is 21 days. That could mean I'm halfway through it. I hope so.
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