Bradshaw meet, 12/19/2010

First the bad news, I skated like I just learned my figures in the Novice B event.  I had psyched myself all out in my head, I guess.  They delayed our event and the four of us ended up frozen standing around waiting for almost 20 minutes.  By the time we got to warmup, I could hardly feel my feet.  I actually forgot to finish my last circle and had to go back to finish it. I've never done that before, even in practice.  I ended up 4th place out of 4 skaters.  Phooey on that.

So, I was very frustrated and mad as hell at myself going into the Subloops event which they called before I even had a chance to skate my Novice B figures.  My head was definitely all freaked out over that.  Note to self:  Remember that they can't start the event without you and put it OUT of your mind and concentrate on what you are skating NOW.  I had to rush off the floor and change my skates and get back on the floor to warm up for the Subloop event.

My daughter and I both skated the Subloop event together.  That was actually really fun.  I wasn't sure if it would feel strange to be skating with her but it turned out to be very cool.  There were 6 skaters in the event, one of whom is in our club and who took first at the last meet.    Being the stubborn person that I am, I dug in my heels and really put out my best effort after the epic fail on my Novice B figures.  I am delighted to report that I placed second out of 6 and my daughter took third behind me.  I can't even begin to tell you what a thrill it was for both of us to go up and receive our medals together.

I was absolutely shocked to find out my placement.  I figured I was done and ready to pack up and go home but my coach insisted I leave my skates on until the results were posted.

Lily did pretty well in her Primary figure event.  She tied for fourth and might have moved up a bit if she hadn't accidentally let her toe wheels hit the floor.  I missed when that happened but she mentioned it as soon as she came off the floor.  I think she's a lot like me and felt even more determined to do better in her second event.

I learned a lot today.  I think the most important part was not giving up after the Novice B event.  I could easily have let myself be defeated and sit and cry over it but getting up and going back out was the best thing I could have done.

S

Competition tomorrow

I had a good practice today.  I also realized that I hold my breath when I skate my figures and loops.  What is up with that?

Note to self for the meet tomorrow: DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.  Apparently, it makes a big difference.  I made a conscious effort to take a deep breath before strike off and everything felt much smoother and seemed to take less effort to maintain.

I am going to do *my* best and let the chips fall where they may.  I forgot to ask how many people are skating in my events and of course the schedule doesn't have the numbers listed for any of the figure events.  Still, it doesn't really matter.  I'd just like my scores to be higher than last time.  Yes, I kept the sheets from the last meet.

I feel much more relaxed and ready today.

Oh yeah, and I finished the Christmas shopping on my way home from practice.  I don't know where everyone else was this morning, but NOBODY was at the stores.

Meet on Sunday

Well, my next meet is Sunday. I'm skating "subloops" and Novice B figures. 

I don't know exactly what my issue is but I'm having a horrible crisis of confidence and just feel really down about my skating this week. I had a much better practice this week but even still the specter of doubt is lurking about. I know I have practiced all I can and all I can expect of myself is to take what I have learned and do the best I can with it.

I did order my new figure plate and I'm excited about that. But I got sort of a strange response from people when they heard I was ordering a Roll Line Ring (which will consume all present money for me this year). Kind of that, well, that's an awfully nice plate and you're not that great a skater anyway. Nobody actually said anything like that to me but you know how faces can kind of give stuff like that away? 

I KNOW I should not let this get to me. I know that I am practicing consistently and working as hard as I can to learn things and improve what I can do. I know that there aren't any shortcuts and I love the process of working on things. I know that I am getting better and that I really don't completely suck at everything skating related anymore. When I started in April, I couldn't skate backwards or even make it reliably around the figure circles with one push. I can do figure 100 now (which is an ancient one they don't use for tests anymore and has two Mohawk turns in it).

I think I just feel alone. I have no peers. Nobody else who is really a beginner. The only other skaters that are remotely close to my age are people who have skated all their lives and can do all sorts of amazing things like spins and jumps that I can only imagine doing right now.

I actually feel kind of ashamed of this post. But I wanted to put it out there in case anyone else felt that way and needed to know that they weren't alone. 

And I am not giving up.

S