Meet on Sunday

Well, my next meet is Sunday. I'm skating "subloops" and Novice B figures. 

I don't know exactly what my issue is but I'm having a horrible crisis of confidence and just feel really down about my skating this week. I had a much better practice this week but even still the specter of doubt is lurking about. I know I have practiced all I can and all I can expect of myself is to take what I have learned and do the best I can with it.

I did order my new figure plate and I'm excited about that. But I got sort of a strange response from people when they heard I was ordering a Roll Line Ring (which will consume all present money for me this year). Kind of that, well, that's an awfully nice plate and you're not that great a skater anyway. Nobody actually said anything like that to me but you know how faces can kind of give stuff like that away? 

I KNOW I should not let this get to me. I know that I am practicing consistently and working as hard as I can to learn things and improve what I can do. I know that there aren't any shortcuts and I love the process of working on things. I know that I am getting better and that I really don't completely suck at everything skating related anymore. When I started in April, I couldn't skate backwards or even make it reliably around the figure circles with one push. I can do figure 100 now (which is an ancient one they don't use for tests anymore and has two Mohawk turns in it).

I think I just feel alone. I have no peers. Nobody else who is really a beginner. The only other skaters that are remotely close to my age are people who have skated all their lives and can do all sorts of amazing things like spins and jumps that I can only imagine doing right now.

I actually feel kind of ashamed of this post. But I wanted to put it out there in case anyone else felt that way and needed to know that they weren't alone. 

And I am not giving up.

S