The sanity assassins

It has been a blissful 3 months since Ian started school full time. Little did I realize just HOW blissful it was. Ian has been home for 3 days on Thanksgiving break and I am ready to run away from home. I took them both to the pediatrician today and it was an absolute disaster. Highlights included an entire cup of apple juice getting poured in my shoe and Ian running away and disappearing after Lily had already gotten onto the elevator. Did I mention that Lily has a doctor phobia and screamed for most of the hour we were there? Then, she had 3 shots and screamed the entire 20 minute ride home.

Days like these make me seriously consider whether I actually posses the mental stability to parent these kids. I'm a wreck. I've had migraines two out of the last 3 days and this comes after almost NONE for the past few months. I'm freaked out and worried that I'm going over the edge and that I'll get as sick as I was after I had Ian and be totally incapacitated again. Do I really need antidepressants and heart medicine to manage my stress? I've been off all that stuff for almost 3 months and I just don't want to go back on it. I haven't had a decent walk since Saturday and I think my endorphin levels have bottomed out and my cortisol has skyrocketed. We did manage to get out tonight to Starbucks (which racked up 4 miles of sanity savings) but it was such a meager panacea for my ills that I still want to hide under the bed. It's been constant bickering (at least it seems that way) and I've had flashbacks to my youth and refereeing my brother and sister.

Oh, I forgot the best part. On Monday, I took them shopping since I need to get bedding for Lily's new twin bed. They were fighting and Lily was in the cart and Ian was mocking her from the floor and she reached over to whack him and FELL OUT OF THE CART ON HER HEAD. Yep, that lovely little illustration on the carts means so much more to me now.

But hope is on the horizon. Grandma and Grandpa are taking the kids for the weekend. And we will rise up and call them blessed, let me tell you.