The appt went well

I really clicked with my new rheumatologist on Friday. He's a very old fashioned kind of doctor. He only sees one patient at a time, nobody is stacked up in the waiting room. And he has such a companionable bedside manner that really put me at ease. Oh, and he's probably old enough to be my father.

We went through the last 2 years of arthritis woe, and at the moment, we're going to stick with the predinsone as needed with an anti inflammatory drug. I see him in six weeks to talk about my x rays and other lab tests. In the meantime, J and I have to decide if we're going to put off having another baby, or shelve the idea completely since my next course of treatment is going to hinge on that issue. What I really can't decide upon is the BC issue. It seems so risky to rely upon NFP when potential serious birth defects are hanging out there. And I just don't know about how it would all go down with being back in the church. I don't even want to ask since I'm sure the answer won't be what I want to hear.

I'm in a strange place with the baby thing. I really don't ever want to be pregnant again. The nine month barf-a-thon just isn't my thing. Being with Ian and Lily now is really getting to be fun. We're even mostly past the tantrums in public places thing which has opened up a lot of other opportunities for us as a family.

Somewhere in my heart, I feel obligated to keep having children. I think it's something to do with growing up Catholic and it's also something to do with being a SAHM with my visible identity being defined by my kids. I don't feel defined by them but I know that is what other people see. I still remember the odd comments that I would get when I was a SAHW without children. As if I couldn't possibly be contributing to the world unless I was bringing home a paycheck. But, J would tell you about how smoothly the household ran. We really do work well together.