Am I a number?

30

57

Are these numbers a representation of me?

30 is what the BMI (body mass index) says I am. Obese to put it bluntly. 

57 is how many pounds I need to lose to be smack dab in the middle of the heathy weight for the BMI. 

I'm not sure they really represent me. I'll agree that I'm not skinny. As far as body image is concerned, I'm in a good place. I'm stronger than I used to be and faster. 169 pounds feels ok. I run and bike and hike with the kids. I don't feel unhealthy. I mean, yes, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. And without the miracle drugs, I wouldn't be able to even walk. But, overall I think I'm managing it all right. The only big issue is the shoulder and back pain from my overly busty chest. That is the reason I'm going through this process. 

BMI doesn't address fitness. It's strictly a numbers game that evaluates your weight in regard to your height. It can't tell you that I run 10 + miles a week or that I'm perfectly capable of biking another 22 miles a week. I'm proud of those numbers. I had to do some serious fighting to get there. BMI says I'm too heavy to qualify for surgery to address this shoulder/back/chest issue. 9 pounds too heavy at the moment. Personally, the BMI thing feels like a scammy slap in the head. But, you have to do what you have to do, right?

So I'm going to do this. Both the doctor in charge (who is a runner himself) and the program manager have assured me that the Kaiser program will enable me to keep up the running and biking and lose weight at the same time. I haven't had much success with that on my own. A net loss of 3 pounds is what I've managed since February. 

I'm anxious to hurry up and get to July 31 and get started. I'm nervous, though. In the orientation class, I was the smallest person in the room. I felt conspicuous and out of place.  Lots of people appeared to be pretty sedentary and to have more than a hundred pounds to lose. I'm worried that I'll be taken less seriously because of that. And I'm worried that I'll be successful and lose it but fall back into bad habits and gain it back again. That would be beyond frustrating. 

I know my joints will thank me. And my back and shoulders will thank me, too. So, this is it. Here I go.