Denial and depression

I've been having migraines again. It started at the tail end of Lily's bout of pneumonia and it's been going on 6 days now. I'm trying to keep busy and take my mind off of it but that only works for so long. Then it all sort of gangs up upon me and I feel like I've been run down by a steamroller.

It's so depressing and it feels so unmanageable that I don't even want to mention it to anyone because what can they say? It sucks to have headaches that sometimes last 11 days at a time? Yeah, we've covered that at some point in the last 5 years. It will go away eventually. Yeah, well, I'm also going to die some day but I prefer not to dwell on that issue either.

I hate this.

On sleep and poison

I think she's nearly better. We've had two nights in a row of decent sleep for all involved and the nasty hack seems to be gone. She's still awfully tired and crabby but we will take what we can get. I'm so relieved that she isn't getting worse. I always forget how scary it is for little people to be that sick after they've been well for a while.

About the poison. Nerium oleander is poisonous. I knew that but I didn't know HOW poisonous. According to a study at UC Davis, *one* leaf is enough to kill a child Lily's age. I thought they'd just give her a tummy ache. Boy howdy, was I wrong. So, now I need to ask our landlord if it's ok to dig up the enormous one in the backyard that I just pruned. The one in the front doesn't worry me since she'll never be out there unless I'm there to supervise her. But in the backyard, it would be easy enough for her to slip over and munch on them. And she is the kid who would do it. She may be 2 1/2 but she still regularly consumes legos/rocks/interesting bits of paper/snacks she's stashed around the house for later/grass and the occasional weed. I really need to take the samples from the berried trees over to the nursery and confirm that they are elderberries or Oregon grape and not something else that's poisonous. I'm about 80% sure they're elderberries, which would be cool because then I could use them for jam and other interesting things. If they are poisonous, she's never going to be out in the yard again without being attached to me.

::sigh:: I never had to worry about these things with Ian. He's suspicious of everything.

S

About being tired

Have I whined about that recently? It's so bad that I'm having trouble seeing straight. Literally, everything is kind of out of focus and blurry and I definitely should not be driving a car. I haven't been this tired since last winter's ear infection marathon with Lily. My little girl is really good at the spectacular and life eclipsing sicknesses. Of course, neither one of them does anything half way.

This kid didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time last night. She had a bad day yesterday and wouldn't drink much of anything which freaked me out. She's doing better this morning. She's had a popsicle and some grapes and chips and apple juice. I think that's a good sign.

4 a.m. barfathon

Lily seems to be improving slowly. The good news is that her fever is way down and she's reasonably comfortable. The bad news is that she's still miserable at night. J was up with her a midnight and then around 4:30 a.m. I heard her choking and coughing and throwing up. She was pretty freaked out by it. The nicest part (read actually really horrible) was that when I picked her up, she threw up all over again on me. Blech.

The weather is supposed to be nice today, they're predicting a high of 67. I'm hoping that it really will get up there and I'll be able to take her out for a nice long walk in the sunshine before we go pick Ian up.

My poor sick wee bairn

Lily has pneumonia.

She's been sick off and on since the mold problem in our apartment but she woke up today with a 104.5 fever. Yep, you read that right. It's not a typo. Neither of the kids has ever had a fever that high. Ian's gotten pretty close and Lily has too, but they've never crossed the 104 mark before. She was so hot and red all over and just limp and it was really scary. I took her into the ped. urgent care and they had her do a chest xray to confirm it. She's on antibiotics now and I've got the fever under control with the Motrin and Tylenol so things are ok at the moment. She's sleeping and hopefully will get a few hours rest before I have to give her more fever reducing drugs.

It's going to be a long weekend.

Back from the black

We're moved! And the DSL has finally been provisioned....it was a long 18 days. Things are good (excepting that the kids and I have been sick for the entire time) and we're settling in nicely. I really like our landlord and she's been really great about my wants for gardening. She even brought us some extra pots and fireplace tools. We've met the neighbors on one side and across the street and they're very nice. Ian has schoolmates that live around the corner and I made a friend with their mom. In two weeks, I have met more people than I did in *6* months in that apartment.

J and I whiled away the evenings watching all of Firefly and Serenity. I have a real thing for Malcom now.

Got the keys

The house is even nicer than I remember it. I took my mom over to see it and dragged J over to sign his lines on the lease agreement. Every time I walk inside I feel like I won the lottery. It really is that great.

I'm on borrowed time here. The phone has already been transferred but the internet is still working. Thus, I must spend as many remaining minutes as I can eke out before the 2 week blackout switching the DSL over. How will I live without the Internet for *TWO* weeks? I guess I'll get all unpacked.

Why I love Sears

I ordered my new washer and dryer earlier this week and they marked them down some more yesterday. I called to ask if they'd adjust it for me and VOILA! I am now $70 less in the hole for these wonderful appliances.

Fixed it

It's the reflux again. I don't know why I didn't think of it before now but while I was waiting in the dr's office, it started in with that lovely pain and choking feeling. DING DING DING We have a winner. I feel like my whole life is "better living through chemistry".

Still coughing

Ugh...it's been a while and I'm still coughing and it feels like somebody is sitting on my chest when I try to take a deep breath. Going back to the dr. today. Really hoping they'll fix it.

3 days and counting....Sears delivers the washer and dryer tomorrow and I pick up the keys. Yahooo!

Moving on up

4 days and counting. I'm doing laundry here for the last time. There are boxes EVERYWHERE. The work party at Ian's school was canceled on Saturday. We ended up spending most of the day packing and later we went out for dinner with my mom.

I got a weird phone call on my cell phone earlier. It never rang which is strange all by itself. Then, there was half of a message from Sears. It was some kind of confirmation call about delivering the new washer and dryer. But, the time and date were cut off of the message. I tried calling them back but it's a hideous voice mail tree and I can't seem to get a person. Sheesh.

Priceless

Hearing your kids singing Aerosmith's Crazy at the top of their lungs with the CD in the car.

Moving right along

7 days and counting....

I picked out my new washing machine yesterday. I wanted those gorgeous orange (excuse me, I mean SEDONA) front loaders that Kenmore puts out but I found one for half the price that has all the features I wanted (excepting the color, it's boring old white) so they'll be delivering it on Wednesday.

Packing is going reasonably well. I have almost everything that I can pack ahead of time out of the kid's room. I've gotten most of the pictures off the wall and into boxes and I'm aiming to go through our closet this weekend and donate what we don't need anymore.

The kids are going to Grandma's tonight. Bless that woman, would you please, God? She's tickled to have them so close and both old enough to stay with her and they just adore her. J and I will be volunteering at Ian's school on Saturday afternoon to fulfill our work party obligation towards his tuition. That should be fun since we'll actually get to meet some people.

Feeling better

I saw my mom today. She seems ok but she's not talking about whatever it was that she had to do. I don't want to pry or be obnoxious so I'm keeping quiet but the curiosity is killing me. Went over to the hospital where she works and got boxes. A TON of boxes. I filled up the entire back of the wagon and then Ian's seat too. And if I need more, I can get more.

Thus far, I have packed up all the top shelves of the kitchen cupboards. I also got most of the kitchen appliances packed. I did a few boxes of books in the kid's room as well. I feel much better now that I have boxes for packing and something to show for it. 9 days and counting. The movers come on Friday the 3rd but I'm going to start bringing loads of small stuff over on Wednesday morning when I pick up the keys.

Friday, I'm taking the kids up to my MIL's house. Ian has a half day at school so we'll head up after that. They're going to spend Friday and maybe Saturday night with Grandma and Grandpa and they are very excited. J and I will be at Ian's school on Saturday volunteering on the work party. I'll probably do more packing in the morning on Saturday.

Mothers are complicated

I am so depressed and worried. I was supposed to work at the school thrift store today. My mom was supposed to watch Lily. We had it all arranged a month ago.

And then something happened which I am completely in the dark about. Out of the blue, my mother called last night and said she "had something she had to take care of" today and wouldn't be able to watch Lily. That was it. That's all I got out of her before she hung up. This is not like her unless it's really about my sister who is constantly messing with everyone's lives. That's what it was the last time there was a mystery. Everyone else got dumped to deal with my sister's unending parade of crises.

I'm not bitter much, but I am worried about my mom. She's either not home or not answering her phone and either way it's weird and unsettling. I usually talk to her 2 or 3 times a day.

We got it!

Ellie called me this morning and said we were approved and ready to go. YAHOOO! The movers are coming on Friday, the 3rd and the apartment complex agreed to let us move out by the 5th without any penalties. Everything has just sort of fallen into place. Now, to get some boxes....

She liked us, she really liked us!

Barring any weird complication (like say, J's company telling her they're going to fire him) we will be moving in to the new house starting on February first!

The woman who owns it has lived in the neighborhood since 1963 and has owned the one we're going to rent since 1971. The house was built in 1956 and has that great enormous living room and dining room setup that ranch style houses had back then. The bathrooms and bedrooms are pretty small but how much room do you need for a bed? There is a very big covered patio (probably about 5 times the size of our balcony) in the back yard and a big flat grassy area for the kids to play. There is a lawn service so we're off the hook for grass maintenance and I have the green light to container garden to my heart's content. The garage has an entire wall of storage cabinets and the kitchen, oh my. I can't even begin to describe it's wonderfulness. There is a *5* burner new gas cooktop and a lovely oven that is set into the wall next to it at a comfortable height for a grownup and out of reach of the little people. The kitchen cabinets are blonde oak as is the floor leading in from the entryway to the kitchen. All this for a hundred dollars a month more than they are going to charge us to stay in this moldy apartment.

I am beyond thrilled.

All that and a bag of chips

So everyone is sick now. J is coming down with a cold, Ian has a UTI, Lily has a fever and a cold and I have my lovely hack. Ian's issue has me freaked out because the NP that we saw wants to do a VCUG test on him and I don't think it warrants that since he's 6 and never had one before. I mean if this was a recurring problem, it would be different. I have to decide if I should cancel the appointment or not. I think I should probably call his regular pediatrician and see what she thinks.

I need some good landlord vibes. We decided not to stay over here in the "corporate ghetto" side of Rancho Cordova. I've been looking for a house to rent on the other side of the tracks and closer to Ian's school. I found several that look good but one in particular that I really liked from the outside. It's even yellow. I always wanted to live in a yellow house. I spoke to the lady who owns it and she was very nice and is obviously very particular about her tenants. We make way more than we need to qualify and she said that she "could tell" about people on the phone. Her last tenants lived there for 11 years. I'm meeting her at 2:30 p.m. to look at the house and I'm crossing my fingers that it goes well. The house is in a very nicely maintained older neighborhood that looks perfect for us. I spent an hour and a half driving through all the streets over there to check it out. It's a little over a half mile to Ian's school and J could ride his bike to work (it would be a 5 mile round trip). :::fingers crossed:::

Hack and wheeze

I guess I've been sick for about a week. Not REALLY sick, but I had this nasty hacking cough that just won't go away. I was coughing so much the last two nights that I woke J up out of a sound sleep and he was worried that I wasn't able to breathe. I dragged myself and the wee bairn (at half past naptime) to the Dr and he gave me some cough meds (which will stun a horse by the looks of it) and an inhaler.

Oh. My. Goodness. I had noticed that I couldn't walk very fast last night on the treadmill. But, I had no idea how bad it really was. I feel like a new woman after two puffs on the inhaler. I guess that's what I get for waiting until I had the cough for 9 days before going to the Dr. He said it is some kind of weird virus and that it might take a month to clear up completely.

I just read a post from a friend of mine and she's doing better and that made my day. Then, I read a post from another friend who has been getting some unkind responses to her blog which made me feel terrible. These friends of mine are mothers with a LOT on their plates right now and they are both people whom I respect very much and who both were so willing to help support me in the past when I've had too much to manage. (Adria and Becky, if you're reading, this means YOU!) And for everyone else, THINK before you comment on someone else's blog.

Me and my bad self

Apparently, I am more motivated than I thought I was.

Here's what's left:

Finish grocery list and organize coupons. (CHECK!)

Pick out new haircut for Saturday's appointment.

Sort and wash the laundry. (CHECK in progress!)

Pack for weekend at J's parents.

I still don't want to do any of it.