Disillusions of Grandeur

LIB, Can we be friends?

2011-11-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

Coach decided that after my dance test that it was time to get moving on the next loop test. Loop test #2 has 130, a serpentine much like Figure 5 and that one is a piece of cake. Then there is 116, which is circle loop on backward outside edges. Not fantastic but not horrific, either. It needs some work for sure since it's not consistent.

Little did I realize that there was ANOTHER figure on the test. Surprise, surprise! Time to roll on an inside back edge. 117, meet Sarah. Sarah, meet 117. We eyed each other warily but were willing to give it a go. OH, dear Lord. We have certainly located my remaining hugely deficient edge. I'd estimate about 8 desperate dash and swerve edge changes on that first go around the itty bitty circle. It's good to know that I can always be counted to entertain the crowd. I see a lot of quality time on Figure 4 and 117 in the near future.

And up next, fun with the Balanciaga and City Blues. Can't wait for next week's lesson.

Fundraiser Time!

2011-11-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

This is the first year our family will be participating in the annual Skate-A-Thon fundraiser. It will be on Saturday, November 19th, from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm. Each of us will be skating the entire day. It's a LONG time to skate but any skating is GOOD skating. :) I will be posting pictures on Facebook throughout the event.

All four of us will be skating together. Ian, my 12 year old elementary boy, is working hard to make it out of Regionals this year in free skating and Lily, my 8 year old primary girl, is hoping to do the same. Jason and I are preparing for team dance and competing in our individual figure divisions.

Sponsorships are done as a one time, flat rate donation. Skaters may be sponsored individually or by family. Money raised through sponsorship of a skater will help defray costs for travel to Regional and National events. If you would like to come and skate a session with us, we also have free "Sponsor" discount passes. This pass is good for only one session on Saturday. We would LOVE to have people come skate with us.

If anyone would like to sponsor, funds may be sent via Paypal to slhallford@yahoo.com by November 18th. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

One year ago I started art skating

2011-04-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

My First Post About Art Skating
And it was all I could do to stay upright and stroke with one foot at a time. Reading that thread really drives home how much work I have put in this year.

In that year, I have learned all the figures for the first 4 tests. I passed the first two in Septemberish. I learned the figures for the first circle loops test. I'll be taking the 3rd figure test and the first circle loop figure test this month.

I've learned the first 2 dances for the first solo dance test. And the first one for the second solo dance test.

I spent a month off skates with a cast for a badly sprained ankle. I've been knocked down in practice by another skater. I've hit the floor more times than I can count.

I competed at two meets. They both taught me a lot. Most notably, that I skate significantly cleaner when I am really mad and need to prove something to myself. My daughter and I placed 3rd and 2nd in circle loops together at one of them. Our invitational and Regionals are looming ahead in the future for me and I am going to do the best I can at them.

I've learned the Mohawk turn and 3 turn is becoming a reality. I can skate backwards after working on it so much over the summer. I can shoot the duck and cannon ball and almost get up from STD with no hands. I can do a decent looking spiral and crosspulls and cross overs and I'm working on those first two upright spins.

Both my kids are art skating now as well as my husband.

I solemnly promise to come back to this post any time I feel bad about my progress. Hard work PAYS off.

Bradshaw meet, 12/19/2010

2010-12-19T14:34:00.001-08:00

First the bad news, I skated like I just learned my figures in the Novice B event. I had psyched myself all out in my head, I guess. They delayed our event and the four of us ended up frozen standing around waiting for almost 20 minutes. By the time we got to warmup, I could hardly feel my feet. I actually forgot to finish my last circle and had to go back to finish it. I've never done that before, even in practice. I ended up 4th place out of 4 skaters. Phooey on that.

So, I was very frustrated and mad as hell at myself going into the Subloops event which they called before I even had a chance to skate my Novice B figures. My head was definitely all freaked out over that. Note to self: Remember that they can't start the event without you and put it OUT of your mind and concentrate on what you are skating NOW. I had to rush off the floor and change my skates and get back on the floor to warm up for the Subloop event.

My daughter and I both skated the Subloop event together. That was actually really fun. I wasn't sure if it would feel strange to be skating with her but it turned out to be very cool. There were 6 skaters in the event, one of whom is in our club and who took first at the last meet. Being the stubborn person that I am, I dug in my heels and really put out my best effort after the epic fail on my Novice B figures. I am delighted to report that I placed second out of 6 and my daughter took third behind me. I can't even begin to tell you what a thrill it was for both of us to go up and receive our medals together.

I was absolutely shocked to find out my placement. I figured I was done and ready to pack up and go home but my coach insisted I leave my skates on until the results were posted.

Lily did pretty well in her Primary figure event. She tied for fourth and might have moved up a bit if she hadn't accidentally let her toe wheels hit the floor. I missed when that happened but she mentioned it as soon as she came off the floor. I think she's a lot like me and felt even more determined to do better in her second event.

I learned a lot today. I think the most important part was not giving up after the Novice B event. I could easily have let myself be defeated and sit and cry over it but getting up and going back out was the best thing I could have done.

S

Competition tomorrow

2010-12-18T12:30:00.000-08:00

I had a good practice today. I also realized that I hold my breath when I skate my figures and loops. What is up with that?

Note to self for the meet tomorrow: DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH. Apparently, it makes a big difference. I made a conscious effort to take a deep breath before strike off and everything felt much smoother and seemed to take less effort to maintain.

I am going to do *my* best and let the chips fall where they may. I forgot to ask how many people are skating in my events and of course the schedule doesn't have the numbers listed for any of the figure events. Still, it doesn't really matter. I'd just like my scores to be higher than last time. Yes, I kept the sheets from the last meet.

I feel much more relaxed and ready today.

Oh yeah, and I finished the Christmas shopping on my way home from practice. I don't know where everyone else was this morning, but NOBODY was at the stores.

Meet on Sunday

2010-12-16T17:57:00.001-08:00

Well, my next meet is Sunday. I'm skating "subloops" and Novice B figures.

I don't know exactly what my issue is but I'm having a horrible crisis of confidence and just feel really down about my skating this week. I had a much better practice this week but even still the specter of doubt is lurking about. I know I have practiced all I can and all I can expect of myself is to take what I have learned and do the best I can with it.

I did order my new figure plate and I'm excited about that. But I got sort of a strange response from people when they heard I was ordering a Roll Line Ring (which will consume all present money for me this year). Kind of that, well, that's an awfully nice plate and you're not that great a skater anyway. Nobody actually said anything like that to me but you know how faces can kind of give stuff like that away?

I KNOW I should not let this get to me. I know that I am practicing consistently and working as hard as I can to learn things and improve what I can do. I know that there aren't any shortcuts and I love the process of working on things. I know that I am getting better and that I really don't completely suck at everything skating related anymore. When I started in April, I couldn't skate backwards or even make it reliably around the figure circles with one push. I can do figure 100 now (which is an ancient one they don't use for tests anymore and has two Mohawk turns in it).

I think I just feel alone. I have no peers. Nobody else who is really a beginner. The only other skaters that are remotely close to my age are people who have skated all their lives and can do all sorts of amazing things like spins and jumps that I can only imagine doing right now.

I actually feel kind of ashamed of this post. But I wanted to put it out there in case anyone else felt that way and needed to know that they weren't alone.

And I am not giving up.

S

Today was golden

2010-10-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

I had one of those rare practices where I skated everything right. It was like 3 hours of uninterrupted goodness. All my figures looked better. My mohawk turns actually had pointed toes and cooperated in both directions. Score one for me since my coach wants to see that before FINALLY teaching me the proper way to do a 3 turn so I can start Figure 7.

A fellow skater actually took time out to compliment my 113 and how smooth and easy it looked. You could have knocked me over with a feather. (For the sake of the generosity of the kindness extended, I will overlook the fact that while my edges were pretty clean, I wasn't EXACTLY on the line where I should have been.) A dad and his little girl came up to me and asked me about taking lessons. LOL. I was so flattered and promptly sent them over to my coach. I so hope that I'll see his little girl at practice soon. She was adorable in this giant tulle tutu and her little plastic skates.

I really needed a good skating day. The last two weeks have been a bucket of suck with the exception of passing my tests.

Coach tells me that they actually have enough skaters to separate out the Novice B figures for the competition next weekend. Super. At least I don't have to skate against the 12 year olds now. There are supposed to be 4 competitors in the event. I'll probably be 4th but that's ok. Somebody has to be last and maybe next time I won't be. Unless I can skate like I did today. I might have a chance if I can be more consistent.

The funniest part of the day: Coach handing me two cents. Then telling me to go skate my figures with them balanced on my outstretched hands. Not a big deal, unless you drop the pennies which I'm sure would inevitably end up under your skate and pitch you into the floor. Well, phooey on that. I skated with them and kept those babies balanced.

Figure test success and musings

2010-10-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

With the wicked sinus headache, I still managed to pass both my figure tests this morning. YAY!!

Now that I've had time to reflect on this morning's figure tests. I'm really glad I had the chance to do them. My first one went really well. I felt really prepared for it.

The second test, I felt less confident, largely because I think the double latte hit my system and felt a little shaky. I knew the figure but I definitely haven't given it as much work as the first tests figures. Given how the Sudafed messed with me at practice on Tuesday, I should have expected it. Note to self: what you eat/meds you take can really mess with your skating. I've learned that lesson now and I know that the cereal I ate was probably a crummy choice for breakfast. I need to be much more mindful of this in the future.

Now, I need to just PRACTICE my heart out till the competition on the 24th. I like a busy floor when I'm doing figures and the QUIET of the test this morning was a tad bit unnerving. I was the only skater on the floor at the time.

I chatted a little with my coach and she's going to start teaching me the 3 turn. I'm so excited. I hate not knowing how to do it. :)

Blood in the water

2010-10-07T11:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes children seem like sharks to me. Mum being sick is a bit like blood in the water. SHARK FRENZY!

My most exciting moment thus far today is returning to the classroom full of pandemonium to note that Lily thought it would be a good idea to hold her breath until she passed out. This freaked her brother out who then attempted to open her mouth and accidentally yanked her earring. The accidental yank did indeed convince her to breathe and additionally precipitated loud wailing and cries of misery.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry myself. Thank goodness it's time for lunch.

The death parade

2010-07-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

It began in January. I found out on my birthday that a good man had died in a tragic traffic accident. Matt Smith was a father, a husband and a friend I met while we spent a few years at BYU as J finished his degree. He was survived by his amazing wife, Trish and three lovely children, one still in her infancy.

"Are you there, God? It's me, Sarah. I'd really like an explanation on this one."

Well, God's not talking. I guess I got the answering machine. Please leave a prayer at the sound of the beep.

My father died in April. My estranged father. The father I can't even talk about without getting physically ill. Suffice it to say, most people die the same way they live. And even after they are dead, they still come back to haunt you with the humiliating tawdriness they surrounded themselves with during their lives.

The bright side of it was, my sister and brother were able to see what I could never have articulated to them. And now, they get it. Really get it. The horrible part of it was that they were both deeply hurt by him at the end and that's why they understand. I would have done just about anything to keep them from that. They deserved better. And you know what? I deserved better, too.

God's still not picking up the heavenly mobile. I'm not sure I even want the low down on this particular plan.

A few weeks later, my godfather died. Same disease as his brother, my father. Very different circumstances. Awful but by now I'm growing numb with the shock of it all.

That brings us to the most recent death which occurred a mere few weeks ago. My husband's grandfather. Suicide. Frankly, he was the only grandfather I had for many years now as both of my own grandfathers have been gone for a long time. Shock began in earnest.

The shock has worn off now and I've been sunk down in gloom for more than a week. I've cried a lot and spent the time not crying mostly trying to not cry. I'm overwhelmed and exhausted. J's worried about me. I'm worried about me.

My good friend took a look at me yesterday with naked nails and was really concerned. Tell tale signs, I suppose. My brother thinks maybe a therapist would help. The mere thought of trying to expound on the background tale leading to this emotional turmoil is crippling. Every time someone gives me a platitude about seeing people on the other side, the grief and anger wells up and I want to smack them. Those words don't mean anything to me. Not today. Maybe not never.

I need this outside of me without have to give a back story for context. I've bottled it up thinking that it might hypothetically hurt my family's feelings but it's hurting me to keep it festering in my emotional cellar. These have been great losses, some more than others and this needs light to heal.

Truthfully, Matt's death is the most painful by far. We'd lost touch with he and Trish in the intervening years since BYU and recently reconnected with them both on Facebook. They were younger than us by a fair number of years and it slams home your own mortality and the potential fleeting nature of your own life.

Time is what I need now. Time to process and decompress. Also, some time for people to not die for a little while so I can cope. Everyone on board with that? Pretty please? Maybe pencil Death in for six months out or so, just for me. I suspect it probably won't go down that way but it can't hurt to ask, right?

In case anyone is still reading, I'm ok. It feels better putting it outside my head. And if you are watching your own death parade go by, you're not alone. It sucks in many inexplicable ways, but get it out or it will eat you alive from the inside out. And death shouldn't have hold over the living. Death doesn't get a seat on the bus today. Death has to wait it's turn today.

Playing Catch Up

2010-01-17T16:13:00.000-08:00

The last month and half has been a blur. I was sick, there was the inevitable holiday madness, etc, etc, etc. I missed WAY too many doses of Enbrel for my rheumatoid arthritis. This led to much random pain which messed with my sleep and had me off kilter. It's been all around funky. Whew! Glad all that nonsense is over.

Now, I'm playing catch up. All the mountains of things that piled up during this time waited patiently for my return and attention. Far too patiently. It would have been nice if they'd wandered off and gotten bored and not come back. So, the mending is done. The house is clean again. That weird smell that was nagging at me that I could never find the source of has since returned to it's natural habitat. Thankfully, that is somewhere else entirely.

In the midst of the madness, I started watching a ton of TV with J in the evenings. Ok, not really "TV" because we don't actually have any sort of cable or broadcast thing. We do, however, have Netflix streaming on the Xbox. For me, TV viewership is a love/hate thing that alternately is lots of fun or a plague of my existence. Farscape is the current show. I admit to a fondness for the abundance of shots of Ben Browder's backside, but really, do I need to devote 2 hours a night to it? It's getting anxiety provoking. So many things that I want to do, now even less time to do it. It's more complex than that, tied up in wifely time with my darling husband. Yet, it's interfering with my awaiting books and nail play time and I end up feeling strangely angry with the TV. See? It's giving me anxiety right now.

Alas, the dryer is buzzing. Time to change out the laundry. The last load of the week. Thank goodness the kids are in charge of their own now. Back to chores and when that's done, it's time to make dinner.

Acrylic Roses for Spring - STYLE - by Nails Magazine

2010-01-11T20:04:00.001-08:00

Acrylic Roses for Spring - STYLE - by Nails Magazine

Summer Nail Trend: Handpainted Lace Enhancements - STYLE - by Nails Magazine

2010-01-11T20:04:00.000-08:00

Summer Nail Trend: Handpainted Lace Enhancements - STYLE - by Nails Magazine

Work Samples from 2009

2010-01-11T19:51:00.000-08:00

New year, new diversions

2010-01-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

I used to be really good at the blogging thing. It died a painful death a ways back and Facebook filled up it's empty place. Now, I can do both at the same time. Thus, I am hereby resolving to get back to it.

I am. Really. Cross my heart.

Tired of the nail dust on your table and in your lungs?

2009-02-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

The Bau USA Sunflower I I maybe the answer to your prayers.

This unit attaches to your table and with a flick of a switch, creates a nifty little dust cyclone to capture that filing dust inside it, rather than inside your breathing zone.

Read the review HERE.

This one is for Cat....YN Frosted on the beds

2009-01-23T13:50:00.001-08:00

The Gel of My Dreams

2009-01-10T18:42:00.001-08:00

Halloween Nails Are Coming Soon!

2008-09-24T14:31:00.001-07:00

Citrus Play Day

2008-09-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

Another New Venture

2008-08-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a professional nail product review and report blog. What could be better than trying out all the new products and putting them to the test? Check out: The Nail Report

Working on my new space

2008-08-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

We're moved into the new house and working on my own salon space. As soon as we've made some real progress, I'll post some pics!

Made my own citrus canes

2008-06-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

My new darling boy comes home Saturday

2008-06-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

Meet my new Golden boy, Murphy. We are adopting him from the Homeward Bound Golden Retriever Rescue here in California.

We close on the house tomorrow!

2008-06-18T20:28:00.001-07:00

At least, that is the plan. I can't wait to have my own salon space.

Happy 4th!

2008-06-18T20:24:00.001-07:00

Dynomite fingers and toes

2008-06-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Funky Daisies

2008-02-26T18:55:00.001-08:00

Everything's coming up roses

2008-02-24T15:21:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentine's Nails

2008-02-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

Swiral Nail Challenge

2008-01-27T20:39:00.003-08:00

A Grand Day

2008-01-24T15:30:00.000-08:00

I made it. I'm a Creative Nail Design Grand Master. I passed my final class on Monday.

WHOOOO HOOOO!

Handpainted Flowers

2008-01-18T18:21:00.001-08:00

I picked up a book on painting flowers yesterday. This is my first go at them. More to come as I have free time to practice.

4.2 miles

2008-01-11T22:56:00.000-08:00

That's how long I ran today. Cardiowise, it was a cakewalk. But my left foot was killing me. I reached that point where it was easier to just keep running than it would have been to stop.

Even more nail art!

2008-01-09T13:11:00.001-08:00

New nail art

2008-01-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

Things are going well

2008-01-06T08:29:00.001-08:00

I had one of my new clients return Friday for her fill. She was so pleased. She had no lifting issues and said it was the first time that she'd not picked at her enhancements. I surprised her with a pink glitter fade and an extra hand massage and she's rebooked in two weeks.

Nails Magazine called me!

2007-12-28T11:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the phone rang at work and my coworker said, "It's an editor from Nails Magazine for you." ???? Why would they call me? They wanted permission to use pictures of some of my 3d nail art roses.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Nail Technicians Networking Group

2007-12-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

ATTN Nail Technicians and Students!

The INDUSTRY NEEDS YOU!!!

Are you a new graduate? Looking to learn new methods and techniques? Want to refine the skills you currently use?

Are you a seasoned Nail Technician? Ready to begin mentoring and sharing your experience with those just starting out?

Please join the Nail Technician Networking Group hosted at California Nail & Spa Supply.

The 1st Nail Technician Networking Group meeting will be held:

Monday, January 14th

10:00 a.m.

7971 Auburn Boulevard

Citrus Heights, CA 95610

916-725-7010

All future meetings will be held on the 1st Monday of the month at California Nail & Spa Supply.

Please bring your enthusiasm and products and questions. The group will work together in troubleshooting technical problem areas, discussing industry issues and events, and exploring business promotion and resources.

For more information, contact Sarah Hallford at 916-662-6761 or via email at sarah@calnails.com.

13 minute mile

2007-12-23T16:52:00.000-08:00

I ran three miles today. Without stopping. It was fabulous.

Ho ho ho!

2007-12-23T13:37:00.002-08:00

J and I spent 5 hours chasing around stores for the Lego set our dear son has his heart set on. We finally gave up when we realized that it simply hasn't been put on the market yet. Two more days to Christmas!!!!

3d Roses: a Pictorial

2007-12-18T21:52:00.001-08:00

Step one: Pat out a medium sized dryish bead on the back of a sculpting form paper.

Step Two: As the bead enters the molding stage, gently pick up one end of the bead with tweezers and roll it around itself to form the bud.

Step Three: Pat out your desired number of petals.

Step Four: Add the petals to the base of the bud while petals are in the molding stage. You can also do this with adhesive or a bead of liquid and powder.

Step Five: Sit back and admire your handiwork.

Mama liked the roses

2007-12-12T07:33:00.001-08:00

Never in a million years did I think I'd be able to do these. The top one is the first one I tried and the bottom was after a few practice roses.

Today, I became a runner

2007-12-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

This year, I walked 4 miles a day. Last year, I walked 3 miles a day. Today, I ran one mile and walked 3 more. I'm working up to running all 4 since I have got to carve some extra time out of my days.

Even more nail art!

2007-12-09T09:33:00.003-08:00

Recent nail art

2007-12-09T09:30:00.001-08:00

Toenail Makeover

2007-12-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

These snowflakes were a lot of fun. Next time, more rhinestones!

Christmas Nail Makeover

2007-12-08T07:41:00.000-08:00

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas around here.

Nail Makeover

2007-11-21T17:17:00.000-08:00

Looking for a few good nails?

2007-11-10T07:27:00.001-08:00

The nail industry is a really interesting place. You can catch some pretty scary stuff in a salon that isn't following the sanitation guidelines. As a consumer, it's pretty tough to know exactly what you'll find when you walk into a new shop. I want to change that. Everyone who comes to me is going to know how and what they need to do protect themselves.

Blog Therapy

2007-11-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

I'm a little depressed.

Last week was crazy busy. The kids were baptized, we had the kids' birthday party, Uncle Ray came to town to visit, there was another party for the great grandparents 63rd wedding anniversary. When my brother left, my mom went with him back to North Carolina to visit with him for a week.

So, now I'm lonely and in need of some blog therapy.

I'm on this grand adventure to become an educator for Creative. I may actually be crazy to think that I can do this. Technically, getting all the education and practice in this year in time to qualify for my Grand Master status is possible. Then, all I have to do is learn every nuance of every product Creative makes and then be invited after another year to attend training bootcamp. After that, I have to wait for a spot to open up. If I'm going to aim anywhere, I might as well aim high, right?

J has been having a trying time at work so there's some strain there. Mostly, because there isn't really anything I can do to help with that. But, he's unhappy and that spills over into everything else.

I think what is so hard for me is that I need to commit more resources to my work but I don't feel like I can without sacrificing something else. I tried putting Lily into preschool half a day, three days a week. That was a DISASTER. She's much like her dad. Large groups of people she doesn't know really freaks her out. She turned into a quivering, screaming mess. It would start at 7 a.m. and go on until I took her to school where it would escalate into something even worse. So we gave that up. I stuck it out for 3 weeks, but it just wasn't getting any better. My mother and MIL have really stepped up to watch Lily for me and she's happy to go with them. The thing is, I have a really hard time relying on other people. I need to take clients, but I'm afraid to commit.

That's probably the real issue. I might fail. I might not be able to pull this off. I won't know until I commit. If I don't commit, I won't succeed, but if I don't commit, I won't fail either.

Leanne wants an update.

2007-11-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

It's been kind of busy.

I graduated and was hired by the company that I externed for in school. It's a distributor of nail products with a salon attached to it. I've done some advanced training and am working towards becoming an educator for the best of the best. I'm the Education Coordinator for California Nail & Spa Supply which means I get to attend all the training I can stand and that the rest of the time I'm recruiting for classes and learning myself. It's part time and I can work from home when I'm not in the salon. I never thought I would find something so flexible and rewarding. I LOVE IT.

Nails Nails Nails!

2007-01-11T20:16:00.000-08:00

I love it. LOVE IT! I'm so glad I decided to go through with it. The eight hour days are just flying by.

I never thought I'd enjoy it so much. The amazing change in a client's demeanor and body language is so wonderful.

School starts tomorrow

2007-01-08T18:54:00.000-08:00

OMG. I haven't been in school for ANYTHING in 13 years. What was I thinking?!

Ian is concerned that the routine will be changing. He's never had me unavailable before. J's afraid that all my carefully laid childcare plans will come crumbling down into a pile of rubble. Lily, well, she's just Lily.

Wish me luck.

Big news

2006-12-29T16:10:00.000-08:00

I'm going back to school. Very soon. I start on January 9th.

I'm going to attend the Jerrylee Beauty College and prepare for my state license in manicuring with the required 400 hour course. There are several motives for this new direction. Firstly, it would be nice to have some skill that I can use part time and pay for the kid's schooling. Secondly, nails are a lot of fun. What really got me motivated was seeing J's grandparent's feet. They have been so woefully neglected and thus really uncomfortable for them both.

I have a crazy idea about trying to start a nonprofit group to provide nail care for seniors. But, I need my license first. Wish me well, and send all the good luck vibes you can spare.

30 days results

2006-12-29T16:08:00.000-08:00

It's actually been closer to 45 days now and it's gone very well. I've definitely noticed an increase in my energy level and I just feel better overall. I haven't had any RA flareups which is a great improvement. I plan to keep up the five servings of fruit or vegetables a day indefinitely.

I talk big...

2006-12-29T15:40:00.001-08:00

but when push came to shove, I went back to Best Buy for Ian's present.

Since I forgot to mention this last night

2006-11-19T11:58:00.000-08:00

Best Buy is like hell with fewer preschoolers.

I've never been inside one before but I was trying to find a cd player for Lily. She lives for music. Thus, we ventured to Best Buy.

Never. Ever. Again.

Mountains of lameness

2006-11-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

We went out to Taco Bell for dinner. I ordered my usual spicy chicken burrito and shared Lily's nacho cheese and chips. Completely spaced on needing to have two servings of veggies or fruits. Doh! I had to come home and eat oranges since they were the only thing really handy.

Now, I'm trying to remember if they even *sell* fruits or veggies at Taco Bell. According to the Taco Bell website my choices include:

Caramel Apple Empanada
290 cal
15g fat

Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes
290 cal
18g fat

Fiesta Taco Salad
810 cal
46g fat

I think I'll stick with my oranges.

Day Four

2006-11-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

The fruit and veggie thing is going reasonably well. The only downside so far is that I don't have time to eat junk food much and I've gained 4 pounds. The weight gain is especially strange since my clothes seem to still fit the same. Overall, I am feeling like I have much more energy.

Funny things Lilys say

2006-11-16T17:52:00.000-08:00

"Mom! There's a weed in my soup!"

Oh, that was priceless.

30 days

2006-11-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

Anyone a Morgan Spurlock fan?

My brother got me started on the 30 days series a few months back. Very interesting, excepting the Binge Drinking Mom episode which was just awful and had no closure at all for that poor mom and her daughter.

But, I've been considering doing my own 30 days. I suppose it's fairly pedestrian but I've been on a Spark People team for a while now and have been tracking what I've been eating regularly. I seem to do just fine with the whole grains and beans and all that, but I'm definitely lacking in the veggies and fruits category. So, off I go onto my adventure of 30 days of 5 a day with the veggies and fruits.

Wish me luck.

Score at the Salvation Army!

2006-11-14T12:39:00.000-08:00

J and I have been wanting to try making Turkish coffee for a while. I saw an ibrik a few months back at the SA and didn't buy it because I it looked familiar but I wasn't sure it was what I was looking for. I haven't seen any since then until today when I found a brass one for a dollar! It just made my day.

It's gonna be a long year

2006-11-12T18:42:00.000-08:00

Lily is three.

Anyone who has/had a three year old daughter knows a secret. They are *insane*. Bossy. Obnoxious. Know-it-alls. To top it off, she's also a brute. Perhaps, though, that comes from being little sister to a big brother. It would be so nice if we could just mute all the screaming parts for the next year.

I've heard crazy talk coming out of her mouth. Crazy talk that came out of Ian's mouth when he was three. Verbatim. I kid you, not. She wasn't even a gleam in my eye then, so she can't possibly have learned it from him. It's even more unlikely considering the fact that all that crazy talk magically disappeared when he turned four.

Highlights of the last 2 days

2006-11-03T19:01:00.000-08:00

Today:

scrubbed the disgusting shower out
vacuumed
cleaned the carpets
made pizza dough and pizza
made breadsticks for later in the month
made cereal packets to speed the mornings
found a brown nugget on the kitchen table (Yes, it was what you're thinking it was. Potty training sucks.)
neighborhood stray cat attempted to gain asylum from the rain in the house by means of the open door
aforementioned cat perched upon the a/c unit by the window and let me know what it thought of me since I wouldn't let it in

Yesterday:

Lily screamed and whined most of the day
bills got paid
mom came to visit
mom didn't leave to go to work
had to ask mom to go home so i could get some peace and quiet
Ian forgot half of his homework

I'm ready for the weekend. I still need to clean the bathrooms and the mess in the garage.

Halloween goodness!

2006-10-31T18:58:00.000-08:00

Lily gets it this year. The getting candy part. She was hilarious with the trick or treating.

We're all watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. There are large bags of candy on the counter just waiting for the "parent tax" to be assessed.

Life is good.

Cracking me up

2006-10-30T22:40:00.000-08:00

Picture Lily, in the tub, playing with her Hello Kitty bath toys. She's walking them down her leg when she suddenly lets go and they sink to the bottom. Turning to me, she deadpans, "Oh. The kitties are drowned."

Maybe you had to be there...

Overheard at Costco today

2006-10-29T18:02:00.000-08:00

Me: Another baby would be so sweet and cute. Can't we have another one?

DH: No.

Me: Can I have an iPod instead?

DH: Yes.

(Editor's Note: I didn't get an iPod. I bought a new North Face vest and jacket and ear warmers instead.)

Good times, good times

2006-10-29T15:24:00.000-08:00

My brother flew in from North Carolina to surprize the kids for their birthdays. Ian turns seven today and Lily turns three on Thursday. They were so surprised. :)

We had a nice party for them with all the family on Saturday and TWO cakes! We decorated Lily's side of the dining room with Hello Kitty and Ian's side was Star Wars. My brother did the decorations and they turned out really well. It was wonderful to have a full house of family.

So, it's been busy busy busy around here for the last bit. Mom and I almost blew the surprise several times by slipping up in front of the kids but they never caught on. I can't believe that we've known since September and managed to keep it quiet. Ray will be here all day tomorrow and then he leaves on the morning of Halloween. I think that will be for the best since it will keep Ian distracted.

We're off to the parish Halloween festival tonight. How funny is that?

Out of the mouths of babes

2006-10-29T15:18:00.000-08:00

Overheard in the car on the way to REI today:

"Lily! You can't see germs because they're *MICROSCOPIC*!"

Doing the new fridge dance

2006-10-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

J and I finally committed and bought a new refrigerator today. Woo HOO!

The one we have is 16 years old and the water and ice dispenser is broken and one of the shelves just bit the dust this week. It's started making strange and disturbing noises on occasion, as well. So I've done weeks of research and narrowed it down to two models, a side-by-side (which is what we've always had) and a new french door model. Ultimately, we went with the Kenmore Elite Trio with the water dispenser in the door but the ice in the freezer since none of us use ice much anyway. I was a little concerned about losing freezer space but then I noticed that if we need more, you can get a 5 cu. ft. one for $160. I don't think it's really an issue, though.

Interestingly, I was doing some math last night. I cook just about all our meals here at home. If we go out for dinner, we usually end up spending at least $25 or so. Multiply that out by 52 weeks. Voila! There's the money to pay for the new fridge. See, math *is* useful.

Blond haired, blue eyed devil

2006-10-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

That's our Lily. I forgot how wretched age three is with kids. Ian was a nightmare at this age and Lily is quickly morphing into a biting, screaming, tantruming, rude little beastie. She's so cute and so evil. She and Ian are devoted to each other and they bicker as though they are the same age. I'm glad they adore each other, though. My brother and I are that way, too.

Poor Ian is sick and feverish. He came home from school yesterday feeling crummy. He briefly perked up this morning but I can see him wilting on the sofa now while watching Star Wars.

Time to head back out to the ivy jungle in the backyard and do some work.

One more load

2006-10-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

That's all I have left. I'll be officially caught up on laundry. Sign me up for that Domestic Goddess crown, will ya? I should have made brownies for the washing machine man.

It's fixed!

2006-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

It works! It works! It works!!!!!

The washing machine man

2006-10-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

He's supposed to be here today, sometime between 8 a.m. and 12 p.m. It's 9:10 a.m. now and there's nary a sight of him. If he manages to get this washer fixed today, he will be my favorite person in the whole world. I have somewhere near *8* loads of laundry to do. I have a backup plan, but I'm hoping not to have to use it. It's getting to be a serious drag, schlepping all this dirty laundry around.

Hurry, washing machine man!

The potty train has crashed

2006-10-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

I am ready to let this kid go to college in Pampers. I'm not interested in changing *any* more pairs of smeared, stinking underwear. The odd thing is that she was fine the first few days. It's making me nuts, especially coupled with the lack of sleep.

I would like it noted that I managed to make it through the day today sans a nap. I'm feeling about ready to pass out now. Adding insult to injury, we don't have any new Netflix to watch tonight.

So. Very. Tired.

Strange sleeping issues

2006-10-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

I'm intermittently having a sleep issue. I'll be ok for 2-3 days and then suddenly, I'll start waking up at three a.m. Nobody should have to see that time on a clock. Really. It's just awful. Then, I end up sleepy and out of sorts all day. It's not a pretty combination.

Yawn.

You know it was a bad dream when

2006-10-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

It bugs you all day long. I woke up at some unholy hour from it and I guess I never really got back to sleep. Thus, it's been a funky day. I did manage to get my walk in and the house vacuumed so it wasn't a total waste but I fell asleep while Lily and I were hanging out this afternoon.

Did I mention that I forgot to make sure we had chicken when I put it on the menu for tonight? Yup. No chicken. Such a dork. Instead, we'll be having a delicious supper of tuna sandwiches. It's gourmet night, couldn't you tell?

Other interesting news from the recent past: I am the proud owner of an alarm clock and it plays NPR! There's nothing like waking up to a story about the political woes of the banana king versus the firebrand for leadership in Ecuador.

I managed for *many* years without one at all. In fact, I'm not even sure when I had one last. I think it must have been when we were living in Vancouver when I was still working. That puts it at over 8 years ago since it was definitely pre-Ian. Alas, I tired of waking up at night and never having any idea what time it was or whether I should just get up or try and go back to sleep.

Things I neglected to mention

2006-10-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

The bed broke when J sat down on it. Funny if you were me instead of J. It took 3 bolts to fix it. All done now.

I'm down a size after working my butt off (literally) all summer. It was nice to buy smaller pants last week.

There's a big birthday surprise for the kids this year. I can't say what it is since they don't know yet. It's getting harder to not spill the beans every day.

Oh and the washing machine broke. It's been almost 10 days without the washer. They're supposed to be back on Wednesday with the parts to fix it. I certainly hope so. I don't think I can take hauling laundry to my MIL's house anymore. Not when Lily is in the middle of potty training.

The sound of silence

2006-10-14T23:23:00.000-07:00

It's an amazing thing. The kids have been at Grandma's for two days. I can't believe the stillness in our house. It's never this quiet, not even when they are asleep.

Today was a busy day. J needed a haircut, the collapsed bed needed fixing, a walk needed to happen and we went out for dinner. And I had to dump out the contents of the kitchen trash can to fish for the lost spring that makes the flippy top do it's flippy thing. I wore gloves, the melon rinds had been in there a while.

Note to self: Chevy's enchiladas suck. They tasted like lasagna made with tortillas. Blech. I should have gone with the ribs (which are my favorite) but I cheaped out at the last minute. The beans and rice and chips and salsa were great.

Additionally note to self: Do not watch Roger and Me by Michael Moore on a night where the house will be quiet and give you time to think. It's too depressing. Battlestar Galactica is a much better choice. I am such a BG junkie now.

About what I said earlier

2006-10-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

Yeah, just disregard all that. The natives were restless tonight. But, they are with grandma and grandpa for the weekend!

Conflicted

2006-10-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

I just found out that two friends of mine are pregnant with their third children. All my (misplaced, I suppose) baby longings are in full swing. There are so many rational reasons *not* to have another baby. My health, needing a bigger car, future school expenses, my health, J's sanity, Lily's terrible threeness, my health, etc. Somehow none of that seems to really stack up against those baby pangs.

Did I mention Lily is potty training? For the first time in seven years, I won't need to carry a diaper bag soon. I won't need my baby carriers or the crib up at J's parent's house. She seems so big all of a sudden (aside from the fact that she *is* Amazongirl) and grown up. She's the same age Ian was when we were trying for her.

Am I insane to even mentally contemplate this?

The birthday bash week is fast approaching. Lily will be three on November 2nd and Ian will be seven on October 29th. Maybe we could squeeze in a Halloween baby in between them, eh? It must be the happy pills talking.

6 hours of cleaning later...

2006-08-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

J was in the same state I was with my inflammatory post about J's parents and the church and the grandparents. I, however, am feeling quite reasonable about the whole situation now.

My mom came up with us on Saturday and she sat and chatted with J's grandma while J and I scrubbed floors and bathrooms and vacuumed and cleaned the upstairs carpets and washed windows. And really it was more like 12 hours of cleaning since it was both of us working full tilt for hours. It was a serious day of work.

I am now convinced that I will NEVER want a house bigger than our cute little 1200 sq. ft., 3 bed, 2 bath ranch that we're renting. I think I literally blocked out of my mind how long it takes to keep a 3000 sq. ft. house clean. I mean, we never had more than 2000 or so sq. ft. personally, but holy cow! The good news is that it's mostly cleaned up now and J's grandparents are very pleased.

J and my mom had an interesting viewpoint on my time spent up there every week. They said that perhaps no one else was stepping up to the plate because I'm there. Then again, SOMEBODY needs to be. When I was up there Wednesday, J's grandad's blood pressure was really low and he had been on the phone with the doctor and I was worried about leaving them at all. Mom also had a good suggestion regarding the laundry situation. Our little frontloader, AIO machine is sitting at J's parent's house right now. I'm going to ask J's grandma if she'd like us to bring it over so she won't have to try to manage the stairs.

Calmer now

2006-08-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

I think part of what set me off today was that a friend connected the new Sacramento Temple's Rancho Cordova address with ours. She asked me to go see it for her. This, coupled with my MILs insistent invitations and the general "you're a reactivation project" vibe, I think has rubbed me a bit raw. Not that my friend would have ever intended it that way. I know she never would do that.

But, still the temple experience was a bit too "emperor's new clothes" and that has stuck with me for the past several years. Somehow, the temple also cemented itself in my head as an iconic image of the exclusivity in attendance and barrier between it's members and non-member relatives.

My secret religious views smack of anger and discontent and disillusionment with established religions in general. I don't think that religion is here for God. I think that it's here for us to find our way back and that different roads lead to that same place and that our differences (and similarities) are what shapes the path we choose. Whenever I heat the "God is bound by these laws" stuff, I'm always amazed that an omnipotent being would be so preoccupied about the details.

I guess I'm not cut out for this religion stuff.

I just want to scream

2006-08-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

Every Wednesday, I drive an hour to spend the day with J's grandparents. The kids come with and generally have a great time. We drive another hour home and usually get back just in time to make dinner before J gets home.

I love J's grandparents and they need company badly. They are both over 80 and J's grandma is nearly blind and J's grandad can hardly make it up the stairs because he's so winded from his emphysema. Every week, I bring them some kind of baked yummy and I make lunch for everyone. It's an amazing opportunity that Ian and Lily have to spend time with them and it's really important to me that we do it.

The last few weeks, I've been noticing a downward trend in both of them. They're having a very difficult time keeping up with the house work and meals and it's worrying to me. Of course, I'm the only person who would notice since I'm the only person who visits them. Nevermind the fact that one of their sons lives the next driveway down and J's dad is 20 minutes away. I won't even get into that can of worms. It makes my blood pressure skyrocket just thinking about it. The thing that worries me most is that they feel abandoned but they're too proud to ask for the help that isn't being offered.

They joined the LDS church a year or so after J's parents joined and they all attend the same ward. J's dad is the executive secretary and J's mom teaches in primary. Every single minute that doesn't go towards work goes to the church. They share the same bishop, yet this problem continues on unaddressed. It makes me so angry to see that and to know how much it's hurting J's grandparents. J and I felt that we had to make a choice between leaving the church and serving our families. At every turn, we faced this kind of problem in Utah and we knew that it wouldn't be any better if we kept with it here. People SAY that the church is all about family but the personal nature of this and the experiences that we've gone through ourselves says something very different. I'm sure that this problem exists in every church but my experience is limited to Catholicism and the LDS church.

I have to stop now and tell J about it.

Divorce

2006-08-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

J and I lost touch with some friends of ours while we were at BYU. We knew this couple fairly well back in the Intel days and we saw them socially fairly often until Alex decided to leave Intel and go back to school to pursue his PhD. Alex and Bethany were our "stable" married friends. Shortly after Alex and Bethany moved to Chicago, we moved to Utah and thus the huge 4 year gap since we had been in touch. J tracked Alex down via email and Alex called last night to say hi.

They divorced in December 2005.

I feel so sad about this. Up until this point, we haven't had any of our contemporaries go through this. J even warned me not to expect them to still be together. He reminded me that the statistics are 50/50 for most marriages.

I still feel stunned. And sad. Really sad. I mean, it could be us, right? Except that obviously it isn't us. They didn't have any children, so I suppose that's good? I just can't imagine no J in my life. At this moment, I have been his significant other for HALF of my life. We started dating when I was 15 and got married when I was 18. We've been through 12 years of marriage and two children together. He really is my other half. No J would be like no air, no heart beat, no nothing.

Ow Ow Ow

2006-08-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

Ugh. My neck and head are killing me today.

I stayed up too late (which has become an epidemic problem lately) and I'm over tired and half asleep and super groggy and dizzy. I haven't made it out for our walk yet and I'm still in my pajamas which is extremely unlike me. I'm usually a "get dressed and get cracking" kind of girl. Sitting around in my jammies usually makes me feel depressed.

16 days until Ian goes back to school. We got all his school shopping done and he is armed with uniforms, and a backpack and new school shoes. I'm still having mixed feelings about it but it seems less freaky now that we've gotten that all out of the way. I think it eliminated the anxiety I was having over getting that task completed.

I need to get up and moving. I have to go to get milk and I need to take my walk. Getting....up....now.

Intuition or Paranoia?

2006-08-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have this feeling. It's really bothering me. I couldn't say *why* I have this feeling. There isn't any reason for me to feel this way.

Yesterday, J and I worked over at Ian's school for the "before school opens" work party. We weeded and dug and hauled bark and weed whacked (is that even a word?). At one point, Ian's soccer coach asked me how I felt about Ian's first year. This horrible feeling of dread/anxiety/stress about knocked me over. I'm worried about sending him back to school. I don't know why and that part is bugging me. I know his teacher and I like and trust her. In fact, I know most of the staff and they're all very talented and compassionate individuals.

But, there is this kid. He was in Ian's class at the beginning of the year before we moved him into the kindergarten class. He was sort of outside the realm of normal, IMO. He demanded that Ian give him some of his lunch and just generally took advantage of him. Ian thought that was what "friends" do. It's not and the teacher addressed it but there were a few other instances that left me feeling vaguely uncomfortable.

I've just got a bad feeling about this and I can't seem to shrug it off. And maybe it's not really about this at all. Maybe it's really because I've had such a nice summer with Ian and Lily and that it's 17 days until he goes back. Maybe. Maybe not.

Dropped the ball...

2006-08-01T19:54:00.000-07:00

...and then it rolled under the table and Lily picked it up and ran off with it and I discovered it many days later hidden in her shoe.

What's that ball, you ask? That would be my dedication to blogging lately. Not sure quite how I got off track but I'm veering back on course as of, well, now.

Ironically, it's been an extremely pleasant summer thus far wherein I have discovered that I actually like my kids. I'm feel sort of sad and weepy over the idea that Ian goes back to school in less than 3 weeks. Of course, ask me again, in 3 weeks, and my answer might be different. Lily will be home for two more years before she meets the entrance age at the transitional kindergarten at the parochial school that Ian attends.

It's amazing what a difference a year can make with a toddler morphing into a preschooler. Lily isn't nearly as obnoxious as she used to be even though she's the 2.5 yo blonde Amazon at the park. She's wearing 4T clothes now. Ian wore 4T when he finished school in June. He's 6 and a half! They were getting snug, but you get the idea. They're 4 years apart but I get asked if they're twins a LOT. Perhaps it is the harried expression up on my face? They do bicker like they could be twins. But they're also really devoted to each other which just makes my heart happy. Ian will take time to build a huge train track for her and read her stories. And Lily will play any game Ian suggests even if they all eventually devolve into "scream and chase". They're good kids and life is good right now.

Maybe that's why I haven't been blogging. Nothing to complain about.

(&#^!)#

2006-07-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

That about sums it up. The man installing the brickwork in the back yard killed half my daughter plants from the strawberry patch by burying them. He also put bricks on top of my poor sad shrimp plant that I was nursing back to health.

If I had a cat, I'd want to kick it.

Lily looks like a hockey player

2006-07-10T19:33:00.000-07:00

Oh my. She is my dangerprone Daphne. I can't bear to actually document her most recent folly on film. She's 2.5 and convinced that she's 6.5 like her brother.

So, we're out in the front yard and I'm dismantling cardboard boxes and Ian is riding his scooter up and down the driveway. Lily catches on to what he's doing and decides she can one up him. She's got one of those little four wheel sit and scoot kind of bikes. Before I realize just exactly what is going on, she takes it to the top of the driveway, climbs on and CAREENS down the drive, accidentally dismounting the bike as she hits the gutter, flys UP IN THE AIR, and lands on the left side of her face and eye across the asphalt.

Words do not describe that sick in the pit of your stomach bad mommy feeling, do they now? She's got this awful raw looking scrape from her eyebrow and down her cheek. The bump was so swollen that she looked like somebody had shoved a Tootsie Pop under her eyebrow.

She looks like a hockey player, heck, she'll probably BE a hockey player some day.

Thankfully, the swelling is just about gone so only the lovely scrape and accompanying bruises remain. When I talked to her pediatrician's nurse, who is used to Lily antics, she reassured me that if she hadn't thrown up, passed out, or had weirdly dilated pupils, she'd be just fine.

Hah. Fine. Whatever.

Needless to say, we spent the remainder of the day in the well padded living room with her curled up in my lap and watching non dangerous behavior inducing movies.

One year ago today

2006-06-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

We officially returned to the bountiful land of California leaving behind the arid, rocky skyline of Utah. We came back to fresh produce, trees and family. Remembering those three things kept me sane for the 2.5 years in Provo. We met lots of nice people and plenty of not-so-nice people while we were there. Thanks to the mountains that ring the valley, it was the only place that we ever lived that J could figure out what compass direction he was heading. But, it just wasn't home.

It's good to be back.

Today, we'll be driving up to the foothills to celebrate Father's Day with J, his dad, and his grandpa, three generations of daddies all gathered together. I don't think you can put a price on that after having missed them for almost 3 years.

The appt went well

2006-06-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

I really clicked with my new rheumatologist on Friday. He's a very old fashioned kind of doctor. He only sees one patient at a time, nobody is stacked up in the waiting room. And he has such a companionable bedside manner that really put me at ease. Oh, and he's probably old enough to be my father.

We went through the last 2 years of arthritis woe, and at the moment, we're going to stick with the predinsone as needed with an anti inflammatory drug. I see him in six weeks to talk about my x rays and other lab tests. In the meantime, J and I have to decide if we're going to put off having another baby, or shelve the idea completely since my next course of treatment is going to hinge on that issue. What I really can't decide upon is the BC issue. It seems so risky to rely upon NFP when potential serious birth defects are hanging out there. And I just don't know about how it would all go down with being back in the church. I don't even want to ask since I'm sure the answer won't be what I want to hear.

I'm in a strange place with the baby thing. I really don't ever want to be pregnant again. The nine month barf-a-thon just isn't my thing. Being with Ian and Lily now is really getting to be fun. We're even mostly past the tantrums in public places thing which has opened up a lot of other opportunities for us as a family.

Somewhere in my heart, I feel obligated to keep having children. I think it's something to do with growing up Catholic and it's also something to do with being a SAHM with my visible identity being defined by my kids. I don't feel defined by them but I know that is what other people see. I still remember the odd comments that I would get when I was a SAHW without children. As if I couldn't possibly be contributing to the world unless I was bringing home a paycheck. But, J would tell you about how smoothly the household ran. We really do work well together.

MIA

2006-06-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's what I've been. I had a surprising turn for the worse with my arthritis after almost a year of remission. I was able to find a new family practice Dr who I really like and I saw her yesterday. They ran a ton of blood work on me and everything was normal, excepting the RF test. I wasn't supposed to be able to see the rheumatologist until July 17th but the office called me yesterday and they have an opening tomorrow. Sadly, it looks like it's time to go back on the medical merry-go-round.

These boots were made for walking...

2006-06-04T15:02:00.000-07:00

Got new running shoes today. Sadly, I only got 250 miles out of my last pair of New Balance 1221s. I loved those shoes but they didn't hold up nearly as well as I expected. I know that the RA makes my feet more sensitive than they would be otherwise. Of course, even buying new shoes every 3 months so I can exercise is cheaper than RA meds that I'd need if I didn't exercise. I'm trying the Saucony Hurricane 8s since the local Fleet Feet is waiting for the replacements to come in for the NB 1221s. So, if I don't like these, I can try those in a few weeks.

Now, I'm wondering if I could walk across America in a year. Obviously, I don't have the time to literally do it but what if I could at least do the distance? I covered 250 miles in about 3 months with my last pair of shoes. At my current rate, I'd cover 1000 miles in a year or so. I'd have to triple my rate. I'll have to think on it more.

Am I a sucker?

2006-06-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

So, we live in an ordinary town with ordinary people. There's some crime but the streets are basically safe. I walk 4-5 miles a day with the kids and I've only once had a scary vibe that I should avoid someone. That time, there was someone lurching up a residential street and peeking into car windows and trying door handles. I took an alternate route and that was that.

I realized that I've taken to keeping some cash on me to give to people who ask. 10 years ago, I might have just gone off on somebody asking me for money, regardless of their circumstances so this is a definite change of character. What I don't know is this: am I stupid to do that? In my mind, I think that maybe this is a chance to do a kindness for someone from whom I have nothing to gain. I don't have any idea what they want or need that money for. Maybe they'll use it to buy drugs. But, don't drug addicts need to eat too? Maybe they need someone to smile and help them instead of walking away.

For three years, J and I were seriously broke. Welfare kind of broke. We had to do it to get J through school. It was something that you just can't imagine until you are there. The humiliation of applying for aid at the office, the strange and condescending looks from people behind you in the grocery store, the list goes on. That part of it was awful.

I suppose this possibly flies in the face of my recent tirade on being accosted to buy things "for charity" in parking lots. But, really, it's altogether different. I'm not interested in the middle men. They're the ones that irk me, not people in need.

Fahrenheit 9/11

2006-05-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

An excellent documentary for those who always suspected Bush was a shady character. It definitely had an inflammatory tone and I'm sure that Michael Moore is probably an asshole. The question is this: Is Bush a bigger one?

More car fun

2006-05-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that Lily and I were almost hit by cars in two separate incidents on Thursday? They were serious close calls. If I hadn't jumped back, we would have been creamed. Two times, cars came careening around corners that we had the ROW to cross in the crosswalk.

I guess if this stuff comes in threes, we're even with the cosmos after the one earlier this week. Let's hope so. You'd think that the canary yellow stroller would be easy to spot. Apparently not.

12 years ago....

2006-05-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

...yesterday, we got married. We called in sick to work on a Friday and drove to Reno to get married. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Cars that go boom

2006-05-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

Lily and I were out on our morning constitutional today when we witnessed a car crash. We and a bicycle rider were crossing in the crosswalk with the light in our favor. The first car that was turning right stopped. The second car stopped. The third car not only hit the second car, but it crunched it into the first. We were on the sidewalk by the time the drivers were exiting their cars.

So, now I'm thinking, what is gong to happen to the guy in the second car. They didn't have any way to escape hitting the first car. They were stopped and pushed by the third car. Will they get cited for rear ending the first car? Talk about insult to injury. Two smashed bumpers *and* a ticket? The traffic gods must be angry with them.